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I’ve not been out of my relationship with my ex for long and, after the first flurry of calls, texts and emails, I’ve had no contact from him whatsoever. It should be a reassuring time for me and a chance to regain some of my lost happiness. My relationships with my friends and family are so much better, I’m able to focus more on my interests and I can focus wholeheartedly on my studies.
Despite all this, I have the unshakeable fear that he is going to do something. While we were together, I was struggling financially, so he offered to help. A month later, he complained that I was financially abusing him because he was paying for more than I was. I’m scared that he may come after me for money or make some other claims about me. He was notorious for doing so while we were together.
I’ve got my first meeting with my case worker at WA on (detail removed by Moderator), so I know I can seek guidance and reassurance there. I just feel really scared and insecure right now.
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Hey, I felt exactly the same. It’s like extreme paranoia. Just know that you’re not the victim you were and you are much better prepared to deal with any nonsense from him. Block all his avenues to contact you. Stick to total no contact and if he tries to contact you then report him to the police. These men are liars. But you don’t have to put up with his hot air. My ex was the same. Threatening to report me to the DWP. You’re still on high alert from the abuse so it’s normal you’re looking out for his next abusive move. These feelings lessen over time until you’re strong enough to think ‘bring it on’ x
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Thank you, KIP. I really appreciate your response. You’re definitely right about being on high alert. It’s not like him to be so silent and to let things go in this manner, so I’m definitely afraid about what he’s going to do. I’m trying to convince myself that I did nothing wrong, but it doesn’t appear to be sticking. There is still so much of him under my skin.
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Hi AirBlue,
It natural to be anxious about his next move, we get so used to it. We always worry when things start working well, because we’ve learned from experience that the next bad thing is just around the corner. We end up never being able to relax.
Keep doing what you are doing, keep building your life and relationships. It will take time to undo the damage he caused. Keep giving yourself a pat on the back for doing so brilliantly well so far. Remind yourself of all you have achieved, especially all the little things we tend to overlook.
You are amazing to have come this far, don’t let yourself forget that.
Maybe it’s time to start a new project or some spring cleaning or keep fit, anything to keep your mind and body occupied and away from dwelling on him.
Good luck. Focus on yourself and your new future. Keep looking forward 😊 -
Thank you, Freedomfighter. Being unable to relax sounds exactly right. I feel like I’m constantly on edge and the pressure of that is almost unbearable.
Oddly enough, I have recently started a new diet/gym regime, which is slowly bringing me back to centre.
I’m trying to enjoy the little things that I couldn’t have while I was with him: being able to socialise with my friends again is fantastic and I’m trying to relish that as much as I possibly can. It’s just that every now and then I get hit by a sudden fear that he could come back in some form.
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