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My daughter (detail removed by Moderator) and I left my abusive husband in (detail removed by Moderator). My ex husband has continued to subject us to abuse since we left, and she now barely sees him. We have an informal arrangement where he drops her at school (detail removed by Moderator) a week as she refuses to see him any more than that.
Over the last (detail removed by Moderator) months he’s subject us to a lot of abuse such as kicking my door, refusing to bring her home twice until I sign a consent order, he’s had his gun seized by the police after threatening to kill me among many other things.
We are now divorced and so now attention has moved to our daughter. (detail removed by Moderator) he told her he cries into his pillow every night looking at photos of her, that he’ll hsvr to have another daughter to replace her, that it’s all my fault for leaving, that she’s turning evil like me …. The marriage Involved a lot of physical and emotional abuse, serial cheating etc and his girlfriend moved in a few days after we left.
I just don’t know what to do. My daughter and I are both people pleasers & she doesn’t want to upset him by never seeing him but comes home every time (after a (detail removed by Moderator) drive to or from school) distraught. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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Can you contact your local women’s aid. They were fantastic. They may be able to explain to her that he is not her responsibility and to treat her this way, by making her feel anxious and depressed is not a nice caring thing to do. Not sure of her age but I went total no contact with my abuser. My son saw this and I wanted him to know that it is perfectly acceptable to cut someone from your life who hurts you. Relation or not. All I can suggest is you stick to total no contact and encourage her to do the same. It’s very difficult because it’s their father and in an ideal world he would have her best interests at heart. But sadly he doesn’t.
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You need to estrange your daughter from him in order to protect her.
There is nothing wrong in dumping him entirely and she never sees him again in her entire life.
It will be better for you both.
You cannot move on when such a cockroach disturbs your life.
Your daughter suffers psychological damage from such a worthless father.
She does not have to see him.
Nobody can force her if she does not want to.
Think about it. -
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Ring the police every time he turns up at your door. You are entitled to feel safe in your own home. Let him take you to court if he wants visitation. Meantime keep a journal of his behaviour. All his texts, emails etc. You need to stand up to him. Block his numbers and tell him not to contact either of you again. Then keep reporting him to the police when he contacts you. He has no right to ruin her mental health.
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