- This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by KIP..
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9th March 2019 at 8:42 am #73784DistraughtParticipant
Today I’m on a roller coaster of emotions. I felt better for weeks and he called in (detail removed by moderator) and told me about a medical problem he currently has. He was so calm with me and agreeing to everything I asked. I’m really still love him. I want him to hug and kiss me and hold my hand walking down the street. I want him to love me, take me for meals. I’m not sure if his recent triangulation method is now making me feel this way. Iv spent days in tears and I love him so much. He could do all of the above but wouldn’t ever be sociable or approving of friends.
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9th March 2019 at 8:47 am #73785freedomtochooseBlocked
Remember trauma bonding.
And the fact that the person you fell in love with, in fact, does not exist at all.
They are playing a role.
thinking of you
ftc
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9th March 2019 at 9:31 am #73787DistraughtParticipant
I understand what your saying. I just feel broken hearted right now. I just want him to treat me right.
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9th March 2019 at 10:34 am #73790PeacethroughhealingParticipant
This won’t last and I am sorry to say it as I didn’t believe it myself. My partner used to do so so much for me. Go above and beyond. He has stripped it all back and now more often than not I get cold words and stressful times. He wants me to keep apologising for things and turn them around on me. I have been clinging on to getting my old partner back, the one I fell in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with but I don’t think he ever really existed. Our sex life was amazing, everything we did together socially. Now he puts himself first and has abandoned me at my most vulnerable when I have just bought a house, have a new job in the company that I work for and my dad is unwell. It’s like he got me to rely on him and love him and then has taken it all away and I’m on my knees. I am broken hearted. It is a cycle of abuse absolutely. He did some terrible recently and since then he has been different with me. I found out also that he has had a previous conviction for domestic abuse. I want all that back too Distraught. I want the meals, the cinema, the beautiful times, the dancing, the physical relationship but it can never be the same. He will reel you in and do the same again and your head will be completely messed as mine is. I have pulled away from my partner in the past few days and, although exhausted and feeling ill, I am able to see things a bit clearer and have had time to think. It doesn’t mean that I won’t go back to him as I still love him and it’s a powerful bond.
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9th March 2019 at 1:29 pm #73793KIP.Participant
“I felt better for weeks”. That was you in recovery however just one call from him and you’re dragged backwards. That’s why zero contact is so important for recovery. These men are toxic liars. Mine developed lumps on his testicles which was complete nonsense. Don’t believe a word they say. It’s all designed to reel you back in. Now you know how painful contact is please block and delete and report him if contact persists.
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9th March 2019 at 7:08 pm #73811IwantmebackParticipant
Hi Distraught, unless he showed me a doctor’s letter saying what was wrong with him, and even then, I’d still not
believe him. He’ll only treat you right while it suits him. I’m sorry to be so negative but unless there’s something in it for him (you, there for him, to hurt and abuse whatever, whenever he sees fit)t the triangulation hasn’t probably worked so he’s now got something really wrong with him. I’ve known men to shave their heads, go on severe diets to prove they have cancer.
There’s nothing stopping you having the meals, going to the movies, dancing, but it will be with someone who loves you for you, not with someone who wants to control you and make you so very unhappy.
Take care.
IWMB 💕💕 -
10th March 2019 at 3:12 pm #73899DistraughtParticipant
Hi all, thank you for the amazing comments. They have given me great strength to help me carry on. At present I have to see him (detail removed by moderator) times a week when he picks kids up and drops off. I definitely agree the less I see him the easier it is to move on. I’m excited today for the new chapter in my life. I went out and found I got lots of attention which gave me a great confidence boost. I know he will not change.
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10th March 2019 at 4:29 pm #73901KIP.Participant
Hi distraught, it’s good to see some confidence coming back. Watch out for your ex as they cannot stand when that happens to us. It’s still a very dangerous time for you. Can you use a relative for handover. It will be worth it in the long run x
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