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Hi all posties, my h. has left the house for a few days. But already I am starting the self-doubt thing. I have never been entirely convinced that he knows what he is doing contrary to all the research, forums and my own gut feeling. How can anybody treat somebody else so badly especially their partner of decades that they profess to love? This is why I am tearful and wobbling. He has denied quite vehemently that he behaves like Jekyll and Hyde and so clearly will never admit to being fully aware that he is hurting me regularly on purpose. He has already started telling members of our family that I am ‘ill’. Because I suspect deliberate actions I cannot simply return to ignorance – this is the worst thing imaginable. How can they do this KNOWINGLY? What evidence is there? What do other folk think? Do abusers know what they are doing? How can we tell? Aaargh, my head hurts. X*X
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Dear Doris
He knows, for sure.
It did take me a long time to really see behind that mask, but its horribly real.
They definitely know what to do to reel you back in. They know what works. They use children because they know wata powerful drive a mother has to protect them.
They threaten,to keep you scared. They seem to know us better than we know ourselves.
That constant glare/gaze that misses nothing, that notices every fear reaction.
I took me a long time and distance to start to really see and as things came back to memory I realised the knowledge he had, and used, against m.
He will make out you are ill to plant doubt in others minds of trust in you, that you’re unreliable, maybe lie,sow the seeds of division.
If a good/best friend of mine started to show signs of mental distress I wouldn’t be rushing off to spread the word to any that will listen! No, rather I’d talk with them,listen, try to offer support/ways of helping, support to get further help. No-one else would need to know! That’s for the sufferer to share, or not!
keep reading Doris, and seeing, it will all help with the understanding and processing.
It’s not you. You don’t understand because he doesn’t want you to,but the clues are there, if wel hidden!
Take care of you
Warmest wishes
TS
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Hi Doris, meant to say in previous posts, have you spoken with your gp regarding how his behaviour is and has made you feel. With him trying to make out you’re ‘ill’, read mentally unstable in his head, going to a doctor letting them know what’s he’s saying, it’s more evidence of his despicable behaviour. We are not ill, we are extremely unhappy and sadly some of us have mental sickness but time away from him, self love and doing things and being with those who make us happy can help us on the road to recovery.
Just think when your event comes up in a few months you are going to look great and he’ll be all over you like a rash trying to reconnect. Don’t let anyone become his flying monkeys. He has done this, so what if he looks miserable, gets sick, he’s done this not you. Fingers crossed this is the beginning of the end. You are an amazing lady, don’t let anyone make you feel sad. We can do that all by ourselves, we don’t need others putting in their 10pence worth.😏
Much love IWMB 💕💕 -
Hi Doris
I do hope you’re ok. Wasn’t on here yesterday because I never know when he might come in and I always feel guilty if I’m sitting here doing nothing. I know I shouldn’t though!
In answer to your question, yes I do think they know what they’re doing , I think they just don’t care because we are not as important as they think they are. Things are still the same here, that’s (detail removed by moderator) I got annoyed and he’s still not over it. I actually don’t care no more. If it was as simple as just walking away I’d be off.
Anyway, you take care and probably catch up again soon. X -
Hi Doris, just wanted to offer you some support as it sounds like your head is spinning and he’s started the smear campaign to try and discredit you with others – and I know that’s no place fun to be – infact it’s dreadful hey. Try not to get pulled into this, accept he will say what he wants and others will belive what they want, but you and the people that matter know you and the truth of things.
Keep processing it, it will make sense at some point, in bits at first, then one day you’ll stand back and say, I can see it now, see it exactly the way it really was.
Suppose I’m wondering why this feels important for you? To establish whether he did or did not do what he did/does knowingly?
When he is being mean, he absolutely knows, when he is attacking you verbally too; he knows that violence and trying to oppresss someone else is wrong, but he takes pleasure from this, from the surge of power and adrenalin he feels when doing it, he becomes addicted to this feeling and so repeats the pattern only he wants more more more as time goes on.
He knows how to manipulate you into doing what he wants. Do you think he considers how you feel? Nope. Is he even capable of empathy? Is he capable of loving freely? Definately not. Is he ignorant to how he impacts on others and thus not aware of the pain and distress he causes, yes sometimes, does this excuse this behaviour? No way. Does he deliberately set out to destroy and cause distress as it’s all about winning, hurting and taking you down – yes.
Stand in your truth Doris – believe in you – you know what happened, and how you felt and how things should be if you were in a loving, respectful, equal relationship. Once you’re out and you have some space to breath this will help no end. It’s like going from drama to crisis, to more stress and chaos isn’t it – you never get chance to resolve any of it before something else comes along. Be safe. FL. x
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