Why do they do it…?

That’s the million dollar question isn’t it? It’s one I’ve been asking myself since waking up to the treatment I was getting.
Why do they do it?
We’ll never know.
I’ve been thinking about my experience in the relationship a lot and sadly I don’t think he did love me. Well, not in the way we think of love. I did see glimpses of what appeared to be love but I’m not entirely sure if that was me subconsciously hoping. I do know I became something to possess and put away in a box. And he was jealous of any happiness I had. He was jealous of everyone even total strangers.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that the love they have is for the power over you and as they break you down they destroy the normal aspect of a healthy relationship in the process. Then we withdraw, shutdown and the inevitable happens.

“The love they have is for power over you”, that’s perfectly how to describe it. every arguement you have always comes back to them, how they’ve been hurt humiliated how it’s your fault not theirs. Insecurity and jealousy is all they know and feel and that leads to anger and violence, after everything I’ve gone through this weekend my oh will still not accept any responsibility for his part in this breaking down. I’ve only agreed it takes two so it doesn’t antagonize the situation any more. .He’s still saying he’ll walk out of where we’re going to soon, (he’s said he’s going now), but if something is said that he finds embarrassing he’ll walk out. And I’m like so still you’re making what’s happened all about you. I’m only saying is what I get.
Why do they do it, because they’ve never been given consequences as adults fir their actions. We don’t stand up to them for fear of what they might do. I think we’d go crazy if we tried to find the answer to that. Once we’re emotionally detached the answer is no longer important. All we need to know is it wasn’t our fault.
Blessings to you all, be safe and be happy. That above all will pee them of so much. 💛💜

It is totally illogical though because they lose control by trying to control you. Its so much easier to get what you want by bring nice.

as IWMB says – once were out we realise that it really dosent matter anymore – why theyve done this, why they have pretended to love us. the truth is they dont know what love is, if they meet someone else then its exactly the same for her. these men arent capable of feeling true deep empathy for anyone. for me now i pity people who have this incapability – i am so glad i can feel that – the famous saying ‘it is better to have loved and lost than have never have loved at all’the later is them and i am glad that is not me. i am glad to be a whole person – i am thankful xx

The love of power is what they have. Some know and do not see anything wrong with the hate and some might be so lost inside cos of their past that they then abuse and perhaps feel guilt but will not show it.
Those cold calculated ones who will not change are dangerous cos they can really destroy women and children.
Schools need to educate kids about abuse in family and relationships. If that happened then everyone be more aware and more understanding of dymanics of abuse and the abusers would feel more compelled to change to be better and those who have much darkness within will be much more visable to the world.
Been going on for far too long, generation after generation. It may not be talked about so much in general but it happens ALOT and many see it as normal behaviour so with that attitude ..well aint gonna change is it.
All around the world women and girls being treated badly and in some places it is acceptable.
I was told by my domestic abuse support worker that most women do not take the abusers to court, instead they leave relationship run. Nothing gonna change for us if these men are not held accountable, don’t be scared to report to the police and take it to court.
Men seem run the world, well how great its turning out.
People need be educated then they be understanding and perhaps more women feel empowered to stand up for themselves.
We each got to stand up for ourselves no matter how afraid you are.
I love this quote from a film with Will Smith in it( can’t remember title) ::
Fear is an illusion but danger is real.

Oh long post sorry ha. Might have gone off topic too oops. Take care all

There is a great book – Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Please read it, it will help you.
I have been asking a lot the same question and I stopped. It was the choice of harming me, intentionally. It was a choice of my abusers, for them, it is a normal thing to do. But it is not my fault. I did not harm people and never will. They feel entitled to do that, the best thing what you can do is to take away this entitlement by removing yourself from the abuse. The hatred after you do that, beyond the description, as you took something away from the abuser, so precious and so valuable. The abusers do not love, they use ‘love’ as a weapon to abuse. What they call love, never has been love and never will be. But you can choose the real love – love for you, love for life, love to make changes, love for friendship, love to create. Love is not about taken someone else choices, but the opposite to give more choices and more opportunities.

Also.. I been reading about shamanic view on abusive men, is interesting if anyone wants research.
xpeacex

Thanks xxpeacexx all and any knowledge is power, thank you for sharing. 💛💜

I read a bit about the shamanic view last night after you recommended it.
Well worth a look at.