Gave him another chance

Sending hugs.
We have all been in your situation hunny. I took my ex back loads of times because like you say they knock you down to practically nothing and they make you believe you can’t live without them. It’s good that you have realised it is abusing you so don’t be so harsh on yourself, look up trauma bonding this will explain that great urge to be with him. You say he goes away for weeks/months? Again another form of control, my ex used to leave me days with no knowledge of where he was even though we had a baby at the time. All I did was cry and cry wondering what he was doing, scared he hurt himself when actually he was just getting drunk with his friends. I look back now and I see how much better I am without him. You are strong enough you just need a lot of support behind you. Get as much information about his behaviour and understand what he is doing. Please give the number a call. Talking to someone really helps. Xx

I too lost count of the ‘last chances’ I gave my ex. He never changed. Google the cycle of abuse. Know that no amount of loving him will make him change or stop hurting you. You deserve better. Start by blocking his number. Even for an hour at a time and build it up to days. Focus on anything else but him. Make plans to meet other people. It’s a terrible mind game they play. Programming and brainwashing.

i was grabbed round the throat by him – i though he was going to kill me so i call the police. after five days i was begging him to come back i was destraught. what i didnt know was i was trauma bonded – it wasnt because i needed him or even loved him it wasnt any off that it was sheer trauma. our minds deceive us when were like this its like an autoimmune disease but it affects our brain – our brain almost trips itself into thinking this is the only comfort the source of the pain. only that source just produces more and more abuse. tey are the wrong people to turn to in our pain. please reach out for support from womens aid. dont worry if youve taken him back time and time again we know this is dueto the trauma youve gone through – we all did it we went back. dont feel shame because its not yours its his – reach out for support they wont judge you they will understand xx much love diymum x

Dear Tinkerbelle,

Thank you for posting; you’ve received some good replies. Let us know how you are when you can and it’s safe to do so. You’ve given him another chance and he has proven that he is choosing to behave in an abusive and controlling way, which is having a huge effect on your well being.

Your feelings are normal for the situation you’re in and it takes a lot to break the cycle. But it is possible, and it helps if you have some support; so if you haven’t done so already please consider giving the Helpline a call, or contacting your local domestic abuse service for some support. You don’t have to do this alone and it is possible to break free and live a happier life.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

Hello Tinkerbelle, sorry to hear you feel this way. Your thoughts are going round and round and back and forth – youre trying desperately to avoid making the right decision for you which is to end it for good. You falsely believe there is no life without him – he has done his best to get you to think and feel this way – IT IS NOT TRUE. Please, draw a line, the only way to feel better about things is for you to do this. Make it stop. Take back your power. Instead of going round and round take a step forwards, take a step towards the life you really want, abuse free, peaceful, full of love, freedom. You can do this. FL.x