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Parental Alienation- this is what is happening to me!
The control and emotional abuse has alowed him to create this syndrome very rapidly. Seeds already sewn were one of the reasons I had to get out but he’s built on them even though they were living with me and now they live with him and don’t even want to visit with me.
I thought with building up time with me gradually they would level out but I’m scared now.
If I accuse him he’ll say I did that last year to him. I can’t explain why but ……oh m g what if I’ve been so blind, maybe I’m now paranoid. Has he engineered this to protect against me using social services records. I said to a friend I would only use that if he was trying for full custody. But should I have used it straight away. I didn’t want to use the children or take them away from their dad, I only wanted to get out and co parent.
He said I threatened him at some point…but wouldn’t say what I’d said he didn’t want to remind me…….has he told people or himself I threatened him with the ss records? I definitely didn’t. Am I going mad??? I’m scarring myself. I thought it was all just a character flaw, something he did unconsciously is it all really calculated…..no surely not. -
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well he sounds just lovely. He was threatening this already when they were only babies, well no wonder you are worried about this now, but i wonder how he can have any case for this when they are living with him? Surely you would be the one that has experienced this being as they are with him?
Even if he was believed in court making you out to be an unfit mother, again, they are with him, so why would he need to do this.
I don’t think it would be easy for him to make a case for this, as there would have to be evidence against you. As they are older it would be up to them to say how they felt with you and their choice, you’d hope.
do keep posting if you can, i would also be very worried in your shoes, and its common that we are made out to be crazy, and yes i really do think they work themselves up into a frenzy deliberately to scare and intimidate, and know exactly what they are doing, losing control terrifies them so they have to up the stakes if this seems to be happening.
warmest wishes ks xx
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He is lovely that’s the problem. He keeps saying the right things creating an impression of being reasonable. But the children, teens have both dramatically turned against me in very little time since separation. They only lived with him for a fraction of that time and now they won’t even come to me for 1 night. He says its me but all I have done is not give them lots of money like he is and stick to normal discipline and expectations. He pushes my buttons then they hear the fallout and I’ve made minor emotional slip ups but nothing to warrant this without the pre conditioning I’m starting to suspect is by design not ignorance.
the counter accusation im afraid of would be from a previous very short separation. I’ve backed him up on some allegations because my child has significantly exaggerated some physical accusatations but I’ve backed her up on the emotional accusations when SS were involved. So I should have evidence in my favour but if he is doing this contiously he is so clever, he knows I will give him the benefit of the doubt , he knows I’m too trusting, he might know I will do everything to keep children out of it but he is also clever enough to make others think I’m paranoid or look like I’m the one scheming and dragging the children into it.
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I thought with 50/50 co parenting they could come to me more if they were unhappy, being controlled, wanted to get away etc. But if he is carrying out PA then he is abusing them in a way I am going to find extremely hard to get them out of.
If I win in a court I’ll have teens who don’t want me and hate me for doing that to dad.
If I loose ……Well it’s now an extreme lose lose situation for all of us.
I just can’t believe how this can happen to me. I just don’t know how I can salvage anything.
These mind games are horrific. The only thing keeping me alive some days is knowing to die would damage them even more. I don’t feel suicidal right now but where will this nightmare end. -
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Hi Silkyhalide,
My abuser ex husband was doing the same to my teenage children. They testified against me in court saying they wanted to live with him. A friend said to me their love for you is as great as their fear of him. Yes he had them well and truly controlled so they sided with him. He came across calm, in control and reasonable. I was coming across in an emotional mess due to him abusing me. I couldn’t parent at all as he undermined me on every issue and they knew I had no control. I was crippled with fear. Like you I knew it was parental alienation syndrome. It ticked all the boxes and we were in a custody case as he wanted the house with me out and he wanted the children as he knew this was the greatest punishment he could bestow on me to lose the affections of my children. I was beside myself with fear.
Well guess what. He didn’t get his way. I gathered my supports around me, a support group, a forum like this one, hidden Hurt. The legal document was not adhered to in the court. My barrister knew and that he had manipulated the teenagers. Just a bit of hope for you. Hang on in there. Their minds are not lost to him. Its their fear that’s causing them to behave like this. I didn’t mentally lose my children to him. They were practically emotionally alienated from me while I was in contact with him. But once I maintained strict no contact with him, he (my abuser) seemed to lose his power to paint me in bad light. My children saw me healing and getting stronger (away from him).
Do not fear. He is not as powerful as you or your children think he is. You are the strong one. Keep posting.
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