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So today I went out for the afternoon with friends I used to have before I met him. It was lovely to reconnect and feel liked I did years actually enjoy myself without having someone texting me asking where I was, who with, and demanding I came back or did something for them. I’d always pay a price for doing anything for myself. I did enjoy it but their all settled down and we’re talking about family life. I’ve come home and the sadness has overwhelmed me again..I don’t want to be going out all the time I wanted our family so much I wanted to settle down and have all that. I can’t bare the thought of going on dates. A man tried to talk to me while I was out today and I totally froze. I panicked what’s that all about? He was only trying to be friendly🙁
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Hey Yellow flower,
You are so brave for getting out there 🙂
I’m terrified that I’m doing the wrong thing by leaving but you are trying to move on – you must be so proud of yourself. And don’t worry about dating, we have been through s*** and it is going to take time and someone pretty d**n amazing to win our trust; so let’s be kind to ourselves and heal a little. We invested so many hopes and dreams that we’re entitled to feel sad – surely it must be healthier for us to acknowledge that rather than pretend we’re fine.
I hope you’ve got someone who’ll listen and cope with the tears and snot fest’ (I don’t know about you but I do not cry politely!) – we’re all here to listen too – sending you a virtual hug xx -
Hi thank you for your lovely reply Escapee. I did push myself today and maybe it was a little too soon I don’t know. It’s so hard because I loved him with everything I had and I really did not want to end up being a single parent. I wanted our family unit. Your right it’s ok to be sad and I try to let the feelings be but at times it’s overwhelming. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. I miss him even though his made up so many lies but then when I say to myself what do you miss. I miss the glimmers of hope he would show me. The nice person he could be when he wanted to be but that wasn’t reality. It’s just so sad it truely is I don’t know how I’ll ever trust anyone again. I do have a few friends but I think their hurt as for a very long time I wasn’t there for anyone but him I didn’t go out because it was too much hassle my life was him. They are being lovely but i know they don’t understand it. If I was to say I miss him they would think I was mad. My own family can’t undestand when I have moments of missing my old life. I really wish I had got him to stop the abuse but from what I’ve learned that’s impossible. It is scary leaving someone you love but what choice do they give us? None unless we can live our lives holding on to hope that it will change but it never does ultimately that’s who they are and you can’t change that. Big hugs to you too I know completely how hard it is. Xx
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