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So after months of ups and downs my relatives passing away and an unwanted pregnancy. I have agreed to take him back. He has changed over the last few months and admits that he was wrong and is appoligetic to me and the children. The problem bus social services are involved and the children have said they don’t like the arguments. We have agreed not to argue but to discuss our problems in the future. Do you think that social services will see it this way. That he has changed that he is willing to do anything including go on courses that they put him on. He want his family and I want my family back. Can it work?
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Hi Minimrs
How about not taking him back, keep yourself and your children safe and let him go on those courses and see if there are any changes in his behaviour?
You will probably receive the same advice from social services. They will need to see proof of changes in his behaviour, they won’t take his word for it, they know abusers are liars and highly manipulative.Also if he is apologetic to you, can you get his apologies and admissions of his wrongdoing in writing and send it to social services? Then you can see if he is truly apologetic or if his words are just to charm you back in under his control.
Please do think this through, do not take any decisions right now, talk with as many people as you possibly can (except your abuser!!) call the helpline line here to find our about other options.
Keep strong & keep posting
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I spoke with social services (detail removed by moderator) and she spoke to the children. She said the children said they were happy and the shouting has stopped. She said she was going to meet with my husband and if he is willing to change and go on some courses to improve his behaviour they will no longer need to see us. But made sure that I understood that if it started again I would have to leave with the children and get a non molestation order put in place. Or they children would be taken to safe place by them. So it’s all on him now and what he says to social services. Also if he can commit to changing his behaviour.
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I’m sorry but I feel you’re making a huge mistake. You and your children deserve a safe loving home. Abusers don’t change and the abuse will get worse and he will just become better at hiding it from the authorities. I’m appalled that social work would take the word of an abuser. Beggars belief. She obviously has no clue about abusers. He will say whatever is required to regain control. Be guided by women’s aid. One more outburst from him and you will lose your children. Are you prepared to take that chance or have him hold this over you so that you don’t report the abuse?
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(Detail removed by moderator) They want to help keep us together as a family but I feel like I’m the one being punished for his past behaviour. IV got to complete the freedom program and do a 12week course on positive parenting and he has to just do the positive parenting course or they will look into the case again. Why do I have to do more to keep the kids than him when it’s all his fault in the first place. I don’t think I can forgive home for me having to take my time out of my week to have to keep my kids when IV don’t nothing wrong. Why haven’t they told him to do more I feel like he’s got away with it Scot free.
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he is getting off scot free to be honest. the only way these men change and only in small numbers is to go on a perp programme. it sounds like ss arent grasping the concept of dv here. its not parenting issues well fro him yes but no you. i had a report written after my first hearing in court for custody they came to the conclusion we had a volatile relationship. this is often the abusive relationships are construed. but this is so wrong abusive relationships are one side a imbalance of power which affects his parenting and in turn yours BUT with him not in the equation this dosent stand. without him the issue isnt there anymore. this isnt easy and you sound like your not ready to give up. the time will come where you will most likely have to tho for the sake of the kids especially. i feel like im being harsh here but its always best to be honest. i know for a fact abusive men rarely change and their agenda is always solely about them x*x
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The Freedom Programme will help you identify abusive behaviour and I do think it will make it clear that by you allowing an abusive man into your life and around your children, you do have responsibility. As DIY said. Without him there wouldn’t be an issue. However you’re allowing him to stay in your life and social services are trying to protect you. I’ve absolutely no doubt that his abuse will increase and there will come a day very soon when you have to choose between him and your children. Don’t blame social service. Blame the abuser who is living with you and bringing these problems with him.
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Yep. That’s exactly what they do. You have seen the show when he’s abusive behind closed doors. Then different around witnesses. I’m sure they do still feel the children are being emotionally and mentally affected however they do need to build a case. They can’t remove children without extreme justification. You might find they’re going through the process they have to. Building a case. Giving you the opportunity to pull things together. To improve the situation.
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This really upsets me,this is why I want to start working with women who have been abused.
This man has stripped you of hour confidence first,you cant live without him,the children need a father.
If you had your confidence you would see that you dont need him,you need to build on yourself first.
Do you wake up every day feeling like this is a good day,I will be the best I can be today.
If you truly believe that you can have a good and healthy,happy relationship,why would you ask ,there must be doubts.
Listen you yourself if you have doubt then there is something wrong.
Make the best decision for you and your children xx -
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