I'll can't even like myself

Have you ever heard the saying ‘fake it till you make it’ in time your confidence will grow, you’ll no longer hear his words in your head or react the same. Just live for the moment, the future will take care of itself.
Xx

I can relate to this. My ex would berate me for wearing make up by saying I was going to sleep with someone (it was less polite). If I wore a dress or skirt it was the same. Even a nice jumper. In the end I wore baggy jeans and fleeces today stop the insults. I didn’t even feel like a woman or a human being anymore. It’s dehumanising.

It takes time to recover. It really does. No one really understands the after affects of an abusive relationship unless someone has experienced it.

So, can I just say a few things to you.

You’ve been conditioned to feel unworthy. Un loved. Un valued.

You know the hardest thing in our society at this point in time is how much pressure there is on women to be attractive. To be perfect. To be successful.

You don’t have to make up positive phrases about that feel inauthentic to try and feel good.

Feeling better starts with accepting yourself. Accepting every part of yourself. We all have our perfections, scars and flaws which makes us unique and beautiful.

How would you talk to a friend who felt low? Who felt unworthy? Who didn’t value how precious they are to those around them?

You are worthy, you are worthy of your own love, time and affection.

Don’t look outside of yourself to feel accepted by others. The only approval you need is your own.

Sometimes we have to be our own best friend, talk to ourselves with a kind voice. When we start slowly accepting the things we don’t like about ourselves it transforms how we feel.

Women who have been in abusive relationships have an inner core of pure titanium. To endure the hardships we’ve had to go through and to come out the other side already shows great resilience and strength. Never doubt it.

You’re gonna be ok. You’re already finding your way through this. And you should love yourself for the incredible woman that you are.

When we’re in an abusive relationship we react and find it difficult to be our true self. We try to convey how we feel and what we think but this is squashed, gets lost, so we find ways to cope, please him, keep him calm and happy, put the self to one side. He rewards us for the behaviour he wants from us by not being abusive.
We lose our sense of self and self worth.

If you can keep practicing self care this helps a great deal, it’s the key really and big part of healing, it may seem hard to do, whats the point, a struggle to invest in yourself but slowly as you come to see and feel the benefits in doing this, you genuinely start to feel there is much value in doing this and begin to feel I am worth it, I need it, self care and I am important. So it doesnt feel fake anymore. It’s how you live your life.

We all of us need to learn how to respond to the self and our needs FF. Once you do and can see the value and need to do this there is no going back. If you need sleep then give this to yourself, exercise, a haircut, a coffee with a friend, increase your water in take, prepare healthy meals, drink smoothies, yoga, meditation, therapy and other learning activites for growth – you have a mind that needs feeding. As cliche as it sounds we do need to attend to our minds, bodies and the soul every day. A place a lot of us start is by making sure we have done 3 acts of self care a day, doesn’t matter what as long as you tick 3 things. This eventually starts to snowball and becomes a part of life, a healthy life. The life you want.

It’s about recognising what is it I need today and giving this to yourself. Responding to yourself and giving yourself what you need – to meet your needs. Stick with it x