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    • #92331
      TakingMeBack
      Participant

      I don’t even know anymore, I guess I’m just tired of saying how I’m feeling because I can’t even be arsed thinking about it. Can’t be bothered with a lot. Just feel numb, can clearly picture things that he done that were horrific and don’t feel sad or angry, just exhausted. Coming to the understanding that you can never ever be sure about someone or there intentions. If my brother turned round and told me he had done something horrific that was so out of character I wouldn’t even be shocked because anyone can do anything and hide it well from so many people.

      Everyone’s just out for themselves. Friends support is little to none when I need it yet feel I ask about them and care for them more. They probably feel the same way I do bout me though. It’s good to be in each others lives because then we have someone to go for a drink with to talk to or go on holiday with, but if all that stopped then we wouldn’t be interested. Some people might say friends with the wrong people but I don’t think there’s anyone who is going to have your best interests at heart and care for you unconditionally.

      Just accepting after trying for so long to genuinely be nice and caring and a good friend that it’s never going to make a difference and accept things for what they are. It’s good to have someone to do fun things with but there will never be anyone I trust, it’s only a matter of time before it stops valuing them and we stop talking. Just going to continue having people to do fun things with but not expecting it to last forever or for them to do something c****y.

      Sorry really depressing, just feels like a very harsh realisation that I’ve came to the conclusion on.

    • #92350
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi Takingmeback, I don’t have any real friends, someone who had my back as i would there’s. My family really don’t get it, I am going to be moving away, there’s nothing to keep me here, so I hear you my friend. Don’t think I could let anyone get Close anyway, like you I can’t be ar..d with it all. Don’t change bring genuinely nice and caring, it’s what makes you,you.
      You’ve made me see what I’m feel is exhaustion, cos I’m not sad or angry or scared anymore jyst so dam..d tired of it all. Nothing would shock me about anyone now either. Mind you I am starting to trust my own judgement again. Started listening to my gut instinct again. Something I’ll NEVER not do again.
      Take care, mind it is okay to not be okay.
      IWMB 💞💞

      • #92550
        TakingMeBack
        Participant

        Nice to hear I know I’m not the only one. Yea that’s one thing I think we definately all gain, knowledge to always listen to our gut instinct! It really can be quite hard to deal with, when trying to listen to songs or watch a movie etc its hard to relate. I guess some innocence just dies once your away and can see clearly, thinking back to the things that man done and said whilst acting like he loved me so much, now seeing it was all just manipulation and he tried to destroy me, kind of just makes something die inside. I think moving away is a good idea, nice fresh start. Hope you enjoy it!xx

    • #92352
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Yeah a lot of friends are just fun time friends for sure – fine when you want to have a fun time; these people meet our need to be sociable – when we’re in a good place and want to be sociable.

      A true friend is there with us for the highs and the lows – we dont ever feel that we need to hide how we are feeling or what we are thinking. However, I have noticed that some of these frends, not all mind, but some, some seem to feel tiresome as they simply dont get the effects of abuse – kind of want me to get over it. They simply dont undertsand it because they have never experienced it. No one realises how long it takes to rid yourself of him and deal with everything that goes along with it, like trauma, housing, difficult children, court etc etc. I’ve started to see these freinds much less.

      However, I do have a few friends that 100% accept me and offer unwaivering love and support, I’ve also noticed these friends are non judgemental, dont judge anyone, can put themselves in my shoes, or try to, even though they havent experienced abuse. I don’t like to see these friends too often though, just now and again or whan I feel the need, and this is because of how I feel just now while going through this. I protect these relationships by mostly only talking to those who get abuse, the women on here, the helpline, my support worker – this frees me up for these relationships as I get what I need re talking about the abuse elsewhere. Also means I dont need to go into anything with these friends, unless I want to. Suppose I get emotional support and practical advice from the profs and the women on here etc, those who get it, so I can be particpate better in a friendship in the outside world, not use these relationships as my sole emotional support, as this does get tiring for folk after a while, being a freind is being there for someone, but it’s also about having fun and good chats isnt it. Some days all I can talk about is the abuse or workout what I need to do re the abuse – and only those who get it can really help when this happens.

      I have noticed for me, its easy to see the negatives in each relationship or person when feeling low – much harder to see the value; we all have flaws, some of mine are really annoying! When I’m feeling well I dont notice these flaws in others at all, I’m more able to roll with things. Sometimes people have their own stuff to deal with too and unless we ask for help this can go unoticed by most. I do know that if I said hey need a bit of help here though these friends would be there and say sure, what do you need x

      • #92551
        TakingMeBack
        Participant

        Your right, thanks for the reply it really has gave some realisation. I think I’ll do the same and maybe just get a councillor who understands DA. This reply has helped a lot, gave me much more clarity.

        Thank You xx

    • #92368
      Fudgecake
      Participant

      We are all alone together in this life, each of us bobbing around like corks in water. All you can control is how you treat people as you bump into them. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all treated each other with compassion and empathy ?

      • #92552
        TakingMeBack
        Participant

        This is a really cool way of looking at it, Thank you Fudgecake xx

    • #92392
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Oh fudgecake what a lovely picture that has jyst conjured up for me. 💞💞

    • #92406
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I love that, Fudgecake. I think that when you go to bed at night, you need to be able to sleep happily on the things you did that day, the way you treated people. I try not to understand other people’s motives. I just don’t understand how some people live with what they do to others.

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