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I feel like I’ve hit my breaking point. I just can’t cope anymore. I’ve been in bed most of sunday and most of today with an ongoing migraine which I know has been because of the stress of arguing. I feel so confused most of the time but what he says to me. I start questioning whether I am at some kind of fault. I just wanted a normal latter half of the day but its impossible. He always brings up how I’m not affectionate or loving towards him. That I barely touch him and that he cant handle this anymore and I need to change. I’ve told him it takes 2 people but he won’t hear it. He 100% believes it’s all me. When I question his behaviour he says I push him to it. I’m at a point where I can feel depression from it swallowing me up.if it wasn’t for my children I dont think I could carry on. I’m trying so hard but I feel broken. I just want to be happy. I’m doing all the right things so me and the children can leave in a way that doesn’t disrupt them too much but nothing is moving at any speed. I have to be ok but I’m not sure how much longer I can be strong. It’s all just too hard
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Oh butterfly, my heart goes out to you. I almost called I sick at work today as I barely slept last night. I kept crying yesterday and for the first time in months my husband was kind and thoughtful and wanted to know how to help me but I fear it’s too little too late. I don’t know how to tell him that. Or even if I should. I don’t want rows or blame I just feel in my heart that I don’t love him enough in that way. Or am I tired and depressed so I can’t think straight? I looked back over my posts Over the last year and saw all the things I’d written about him and the memories of the fear of his rage particularly at our son and I felt sick. It’s no wonder I feel as I do but I worry if I tell him I can’t go back on those words and then I’m the bad guy ruining or family.
Sorry I don’t mean to hijack your post just wanted to send some support. I’ve had a large glass of wine, he’s out until (detail removed by moderator) so I’m getting the children bathed and ready for bed soon but he’s feeling affectionate and I can’t show it-he’ll blame my hormones. Take care. One step at a time xx -
That’s okay. I hope you managed to have an okish evening. I dont understand how they can treat us this way then be offended that we aren’t really loving and affectionate. It makes no sense. I’m ready mentally to leave and have been for a while its just waiting for housing to give me somewhere but I’ve been waiting since before Christmas. I’ve been doing what I have to do to keep the peace but I’m not sure I can keep doing it I feel like I’ve got no fight left in me
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