0-60 Forgetting myself

Don’t know what our relationship would be called now. Things aren’t great. Not really a marriage. Co-existing whilst trying not to argue I guess? To what end I don’t know.

Still he’s trying to control. Keeps saying a business we have from home is mine etc. I need to make money from it. But when I do things my way he comes behind me changing it. Little things. I should ignore it but no arguments recently and forgot myself and said in a jovial manner why does he have to keep changing things I’ve done. And then that’s it. He blows up saying how I think I know best but I’m a failure and have been for years. How people don’t like things the way I do them. How he’s trying to help me. Literally escalated so bad he starts shouting and pulling these faces and for what? What was so bad? That I just asked if I could do what I want in what’s meant to be my own business? He says straight away how I’m arguing. When it should just be a normal discussion! I am so sick of how he thinks he knows best about absolutely everything. He says I can have ideas and can work with him but I literally can’t. He often tries to be “nice” by giving me a fake compliment to try and balance out all the s**t he’s just said. Annoyed as I forgot myself really. Got too comfortable in the equilibrium. Annoyed as I got reactive again but how do you not? I mean, who the f**k does he think he is? Feel a bit teary now but it’s frustration more than anything else.

I can’t wait to get out of here one day. Make all my own decisions and be me, not “me trying to please him”. Have my own place and decorate it however I want. Maybe find someone else. Although at the moment I just want to be alone.