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So I’ve been having a low few weeks/ months. I still get Social media memories pop up with photos of him with me and the children when they were babies… it’s been a good while since we split and I think I was starting to see things with rose tinted glasses. I missed him. On handover with kids I invited him in for a drink and a chat, within the hour I was sharply reminded by him that I was the reason he was a alcoholic, and it was my fault he got nasty because he was stressed and frustrated. When he left I felt relieved now I know I don’t miss him, or want him back in my life, he’s toxic to me and will never take accountability for his own actions. However now I’m having flash backs of an extremely nasty sexual attack that left me feeling completely worthless and now I’m confused. Years on and I’ve had therapy and I thought I was getting to a good place but I feel set back again… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
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Any contact with these men is toxic, and triggering. Can you do the handover via a third party as well as any contact. Tell him to contact a friend or family member instead of you regarding the kids. Only once you’ve absolutely cut him out will you begin to recover. There’s no such thing as successful co parenting with an abuser. Perhaps more therapy is needed x
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I know what you are saying is right but I’m not sure if I can bring myself to do that. The children like to see us being friends, and in my heart I’m hopeful we can do that. Also on a practical level I will struggle, my family don’t know the extent particularly that attack and I can’t bring myself to tell them. I feel like it would open up the floodgates and things would spiral out of control… also zero contact is something I don’t know I can do with someone who I loved so much. I still care for him… it’s so messed up. Perhaps this is where the feeling of worthlessness comes from…
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