A very bad day – told him we should separate

[Sad and alone]

So we’ve come full circle as usual, and arguing has been constant. An unrelated incident in the past 24 hours meant we had to work together but criticism started again. I’ve told him before I think we should separate and he keeps saying he wants someone else that will appreciate him and all he does and bring something to the relationship and where we live. He is flipping between saying he doesn’t want things to finish to saying that I’m right and we should split up as I’m not “right”.
It’s hard hearing him say all these things like I don’t have enthusiasm or confidence or interest or initiative as tbh it’s true. But all I can think about is us and the way things are bad and I’m so unhappy. Things might be alright for a few days, although I always feel he’s having to make a real effort to be nice or humour me. But then it could all fall apart over something stupid and I’m tired of not knowing what’s going to instigate it. That takes over everything else. I feel like I am a shell of a person with no personality, like all the things he says I am. When I think about a future I can’t one, can’t imagine a new life.
(detail removed by moderator) He’s telling me I can go and live xyz and then we’ll sort out everything else. I think I need to speak to someone for proper advice about what I should or shouldn’t be doing as potential is this is the end for us now. I try and live chat on here but don’t get through. I’ll have to try somewhere. It feels like my life is about to fall to pieces.

[Bananaboat]

Look into the discarding phase. So mine did similar to yours and treated me so badly, argued loads until I said things needed to end. He’d mix in nice times, keep me sweet and round again. He wants you to be the one to end things so it’s easier for him to play victim. Do not trust what he’s saying and get your own accountant and legal advice. It’s very common not to be able to picture a future at this stage because your mind has been manipulated and muddled! We barely even know who we are let alone what we like anymore. Just starting with what you’d like next Christmas to look like or how you’d paint that wall can be good stepping stones. As if arguing and splitting up aren’t tough enough, doing it with these men adds another dimension

[Stargazing1]

My heart goes out to you @Sad and alone . I so truly truly sorry for what is going on for you. I hope you can get help from the right people to help you through this . Wishing you so much luck of finding a way out of such an awful situation.

[DesperateHousewife101]

Sad and alone. How are you today? Thinking of you. Your situation is very similar to mine, but the intensity of yours is much greater. I hope you are being kind to yourself. We are in this together and hope you feel like you have somewhere to turn xx

[Sad and alone]

Thank you all.
So needless to say I am still here. I went back to the situation questioning can I save my life, can I make an effort again to please him, was I doing the right thing in saying I want to end things. Almost straight away he was ranting at me again and I said thanks for reaffirming my decision. Went to bed and somehow the next day nothing has been said and we’ve returned to normal. This is like it was before when we “talked” about splitting. There’s been no reference to it. So I’m back to square one. So pathetic. I just want a quiet life, and parts of my life, thinking about losing it upsets me more. Not losing him as such. That’s what’s weird as I don’t feel in love with him but he’s part of everything else that’s so familiar. I think maybe in very long relationships you maybe don’t feel that love like you do in the beginning. Or maybe you should?? I have an appointment soon with the doctor so hoping I can make a move somehow when I see them.

[Bananaboat]

Don’t despair, it took me several months of this cycle before one argument I said it and it stuck. x

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