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It’s all very quiet for a couple of weeks, nothing significant. But as usual the eggshell feeling has (rightly) started again. Hes having a go at me for little things, breaking things when in a mood, and most recently verbally abused me in public (C word). I am scared for the next few days, when often escalates into more violent and aggressive behaviour. I want to leave him but I am scared, I have my own anxiety problems and he helps me with them. I dont know what to do.
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Sounds like he has a good thing going. He creates your anxiety, makes it worse then he pretends to help you with it? he sounds like a master manipulator. If you are scare then you are right. Your feelings are real and correct, based upon your experiences with and your intelligence. You must get help or leave. I don’t know enough to advise you further but I do hope some more of the amazing ladies on this forum can advise further.
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Google the Cycle of Abuse, and the Power and Control wheel. You’re spot on; you’re in the yellow phase which is the tension building phase then leads into the Red phase which is where there is a huge single incident of abuse(emotional/verbal maybe physical). Then back into the green phase. This stage varies in length until the yellow phase (the one you’re in now ) starts again and so on and on. It will never stop until we stop it by leaving the relationship. 3 things keep it going fear, hope(that it won’t be like this next time) and love. Do what the ladies above have said and Keep posting here very often as you go through the yellow phase and onto the very hurtful red phase. I remember waking up to the realization I was in the cycle of abuse and not knowing how on earth I was going to end it but I did with outside support.
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Thank you all for these helpful replies. I am trying to build the strength to leave. Today he dropped me off somewhere in the car, his idea, then suddenly decided he was furious about this. Shouting at me driving like a l*****c and eventually chucked me out of the car in the rain. He is just such an a*se! I was so frightened in the car as previously attacked me whilst driving in the past. Luckily not this time but my nerves cannot cope anymore. Like I say he was in a perfectly good mood until we got into the car then just suddenly changes. His behaviour is so unstable and unpredictable.
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Oh yes totally likes to have a go in the car. Last time I had my hair pulled/ragged around plus shoving his fingers into my cheeks whilst driving. I am taking a bag and going to my mums as I am very scared of him today. Called me a lazy C before he went to the gym and that I do no housework (not true). So I know when he comes back I’m in trouble. I’ve realised he has no cannabis to smoke so that’s why he’ll be in this mood. He pretends its about money Bd the house, but it always boils down to him having nothing to smoke really. I dont drive to have to wait for a lift so I’m worried about him coming back and me still being here x
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Hi bluetoffee, sorry what you are going through. Don’t believe anything the monster abuser says. These monsters are evil and they emotionally manipulate their victims because they have low self-esteem and they want to put the blame on the innocent victims. They pick on good people. You are a good person, always remember that. I’m going though sibling abuse but the support helplines are keeping me strong.
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