Abusers do not have split personalities-excerpt from Lundy Bancroft’s book

[SingleMomSurvivor]

Hi ladies. I’m sharing this excerpt from Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men.” I found it really helpful! Excerpt is below:

DO ABUSIVE MEN HAVE SPLIT PERSONALITIES?
Not really. They are drawn to power and control, and part of how they get it is by looking good in public. The abusive
man’s charm makes his partner reluctant to reach out for
support or assistance because she feels that people will
find her revelations hard to believe or will blame her. If
friends overhear him say something abusive, or police
arrest him for an assault, his previous people-pleasing lays
the groundwork to get him off the hook. The observers
think, He’s such a nice guy, he’s just not the type to be
abusive. She must have really hurt him.

The abuser’s nice-guy front helps him feel good about
himself. My clients say to me,
“I get along fine with
everyone but her. You should ask around about what I’m
like; you’ll see. I’m a calm, reasonable person. People can
see that she’s the one who goes off.”

Meanwhile, he uses
the difficulties that she is having in her relationships with
people -many of which may be caused by him as further
proof that she is the one with the problem.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi SingleMomSurvivor

So much wisdom in this book!

Some abusers are a lot better at this charm offensive than others, but all do seem to think they are the nice guy, and women are the problem.

I hope its helping you.

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebar]

So so true!
I’ve watched some YouTube videos from Lundy and it all makes so much sense.

[nbumblebee]

Wow ❤

[Author]

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