** and abusive ex is attending

[IrisAtwood]

I have been divorced for (detail removed by Moderator) years and our (detail removed by Moderator). My ex was physically and emotionally abusive. After the last (and worse) beating I pressed charges and he was convicted (detail removed by Moderator). He fought me for custody, made all sorts of allegations about me and (detail removed by Moderator). It was the (detail removed by Moderator) and the judge was useless so awarded my ex regular access. When my son was (detail removed by Moderator) and visiting him my ex lost his temper and hurt him. When he came home the next day we (my new partner _lovely, supportive, still with him now) had to take him to casualty for stitches. (detail removed by Moderator). I don’t know if my son remembers any of this and haven’t reminded him. I went down the route of keeping my son safe but allowing him to have a relationship with his biological father.

Anyway, (detail removed by Moderator) and has invited my ex husband (detail removed by Moderator). It is a very small (detail removed by Moderator) so we are going to be in fairly close contact. My ex rang me to talk about the (detail removed by Moderator) and is, as he always did, playing the nice guy. He has never admitted or apologised for his behaviour. Always completely denied everything and acted bewildered that I had bruises and was upset. My father was exactly like this too.

Anyway, I thought that I would be OK. It’s (detail removed by Moderator) years! However, the closer we get the more anxious i feel and I am developing stress related physical symptoms. My partner is also stressed about it.

I am just so sad that what should be a lovely, joyous event is overshadowed by him. I keep telling myself to just behave as if he is a stranger – be polite but distant – but just thinking about being in the same room as him makes me anxious.

Just wanted to talk to people who would understand.

[Lisa]

Hello IrisAtwood,

Thank you for sharing this it sounds like an incredibly stressful and anxiety inducing idea to be confronted by your ex again. I imagine it’s so frustrating that the thought of his presence completely changes your feelings around attending this occasion.

He sounds incredibly abusive and I can hear that you have been through so much, you should not ever have to go through the trauma of seeing him again. It’s understandable that this is a distressing prospect.

I’m sure there are women on the forum who have had similar experiences and can offer advice and support.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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