I wrote on here and it instantly helped. That feeling of being heard is wonderful, part of me has always thought that it wasn’t a big deal so why am I reacting like this, I should just get over it. Just because someone has had it worse, doesn’t mean what I went through is invalid. I am just struggling to accept the truth and I guess this post is almost a message to myself rather than anyone else. The brutal truth is I was abused, he used fear and guilt to control me. Whether deliberate or not he did and I need to stop making excuses for him. I am no longer in that relationship and so need to stop letting it control me. I don’t really know how but I need to keep moving forward. He shouldn’t be able to interfere with my relationships and he doesn’t deserve space or or time inside my head.
I’m feeling strong today so I want this to be my turning point. I’m sure it will take a lot longer to fully accept, heal, move on properly but at least this is a start. Not long ago I couldn’t even think about the reality. Thanks for letting me make sense of my thoughts.