Addicted to a person?

[elmar]

I have attempted to break up with my abusive ex many times. I stay away from him for some time, but always manage to end up going back to the same relationship I know is terrible for me. If I don’t text him everyday I panic, when he takes a long time to respond I being to panic and think I did something wrong. When he gets mad at me I will do anything to solve it, and crave his validation way more than I know is healthy. I lose so much sleep talking to him on the phone, even if I know it isn’t a good idea. If he asks me to meet him I cancel plans, lie to my friends and family and do everything to see him and accommodate him even if I feel so ashamed about it afterward.
I don’t know why I can’t just break out of this toxic behavior, I feel like I’m addicted to him but at the same time I don’t know if its possible to become addicted to a person.
I just don’t know why this is happening and why I feel so stuck.

[Bananaboat]

You are. Well, your body is addicted to the chemicals released in those highs and lows caused by the abusive treatment that person dishes out. They are masters at pushing and pulling to manipulate us. This, linked with the trauma bond is what makes it so hard to cut them off.x

[elmar]

Thank you for your response and I will inform myself more on trauma bonds to understand what is happening better
xx

[Author]

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