Advice needed

[Fluffy4444]

Hi there. Sorry for the long spiel. I’ve been with my current boyfriend now for (number removed by Moderator) years. I’ve always felt that there was something ‘off’ about him, but couldn’t be sure what. The main reason I’ve stayed with him for so long is because mutual friends introduced him to me, therefore I was sure I could trust him. We have fought from the beginning and things moved faster than I was comfortable with. He has a way of being condescending and patronising. Also he dismisses my opinions, calling me ‘opinionated’ on one occasion. He struggles to tolerate different points of view. I have noticed this when he has conversations with others also. He has few friends. Recently I have noticed more mocking in his tone. He sometimes mimics me when I speak and interrupts whatever I am saying, often with silly jokes that are not funny. I don’t feel like he takes me seriously at all. I feel the need to keep him happy as I have seen his rage before. The first time we fought, he thumped the (object removed by Moderator). I can’t believe I didn’t leave him after that. My previous relationships were also abusive so I sometimes think I am being paranoid or oversensitive. I know I am not perfect either and often think I am to blame. He made a sarcastic comment the other week and I confronted him. We had a fight during which he wouldn’t listen to my point of view about what he said and how it made me feel, and proceeded to swear repeatedly at me, and thump the (object removed by Moderator) and other objects. He accused me of ‘poking the bear’ which I understand to be a threat. I do not understand why he is like this. He is from a good family. I get on well with his family. Maybe I am the problem? I think I want to leave I am probably done with relationships.

[lover of no contact]

Welcome to the Forum. You are in the right place from the behaviour you’re on the receiving end of that you describe. His behaviour is totally about him and not your fault in any way. Him behaving like will have you walking on eggshells and that’s what he wants. It’s not about love for him it’s about power & control. Google power & control wheel. Or Cycle of Abuse.

The awful thing is that he sees you upset and he’s secretly smiling to himself. He gets a power surge from your negative emotions, your upset, anger and fear. Then he feels ‘bigger & better) than you. We are all dealing with similar patterns of behaviour on here.

Keep posting and reading the posts on here it’s too much dealing with those abusive behaviours of his on your own.

[Fluffy4444]

Thanks for your kind and supportive reply. I left him a couple of weeks ago with no contact. I’m still feeling relieved and I think I have done the right thing.

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