Advice on a non-molestation order.

[Findmyself]

I am separated from my OH, however we own a House together and he sees it as his right to come in whenever he wants. We have been separated for a while however it is rare there is s day when he doesn’t turn up. Recently he got in the bath with me which upset me and I went to a solicitor. The solicitor has recommended applying for a non- molestation order. She had sent him a letter explaining that he cannot be at the house. He fought this with his own solicitor and now he can have access when I’m not there.
My solicitor wants to go forward with the order but I am unsure what difference s piece of paper will make to him as he believes he is above the law and will just continue to turn up. Could anyone offer advice on their experience of the order and whether this actually helped- I have to pay and it’s expensive.

[KIP.]

You can ask to have a power of arrest added so that you can call the police and have him arrested if he breaks it however by the nature of an abuser and mine did the same, he will fight this all the way, costing thousands. A non molestation order only lasts a few months I believe then needs renewed. I think the best route to take is to sell the house or move out and rent elsewhere until the house is sold that way you cut any ties he has to where you live. The other thing to ask about is an occupation order which excludes him from the home until the house is sold or the ownership sorted. You can also report him getting in the bath with you to the police and any other abuse which would strengthen your case. The police could warn him to stay away however he owns the house too and has rights. The civil legal route is very expensive. Do you have legal aid? You can right Rights of Women for free legal advice and if you contact your local women’s aid, they will have much more information for you x does he have somewhere else to live at the moment? Why would he want access to the house when you’re not there anyway? I’d move fast while he is living elsewhere as once he moves back in it will be harder to get him out again x

[Lisa]

Hi there Findmyself, welcome to the forum I hope you will find it sch a supportive place. I can see you have been through such a difficult time, and it is completely understandable that you need to keep your ex-partner away from you.

KIP has already given you really useful information about injunctions, if you would like to find out a bit more, you could contact DV Assist. They are an organisation that specialises around injunctions

Best wishes

Lisa

[Findmyself]

Hi KIP thank you so much for the advice. I am a bit stuck where I am as I cannot afford to rent whilst paying the mortgage. He is living with a friend close by but wants to get back with me and constantly hounds me. The solicitor mentioned the occupation order too. I am waiting to see the solicitor again I have applied for universal credit and she has said once this is in place I can get legal aid. Do you know if I can sell without his permission as he will never give this. I am desperate to get away and cut all ties but I don’t know where to go if that makes sense we were married for a long time and he isolated me from friends and family and now I have no one. I have children who are at school near to where I live and they have friends which as sad as it sounds is my only tie to anything. I have tried to reach out to my family but this is difficult when I have barely seen them for many years.

[KIP.]

Hi, get some free advice from a solicitor, most offer a free initial consultation. So go to several while you wait for legal aid. My experience was that he messed me about for two years (to avoid me divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour) and eventually I bought him out of his share of the house as part of the divorce. The court can force him to sell the house if he won’t cooperate. Depending on what your slice of the finances are in the matrimonial property (when everything is added up, pensions, savings, property etc), then you will know what you’re entitled to. You might find he keeps his pension and savings and you keep the house depending on the equity and mortgage provider. He also has a responsibility to house his children so the court may order that you can stay in the home till the kids are older. Lots to think about so keep asking questions. My immediate concern for you would be if he just decides to move back in, it’s so much harder to get him out. At the moment he has a roof over his head so the court would see he has housing, however if he moves back in you’re technically asking the court to make him homeless and unless you have very good evidence of violence and abuse it’s a difficult thing to persuade a court to do. Keep a Detailed journal of his abuse and record it with your GP (really important for you to have it evidenced there). The civil court is also expensive and I believe legal aid will have to be paid back if you do get a divorce settlement. My ex was very well off financially so dragged it all out. So do your own homework, ask around, go to women’s aid and use their experience and support x

[KIP.]

I absolutely know what you’re saying about being isolated. It’s important you reach out and tell people you need help. Especially family who can help. Just take things one day at a time. Depending on the age of the kids you might want to go into a refuge for a while. Once you are away from your abuser your headspace will return and you will have time to make friends rekindle relationships, find your own interests and hobbies. Meantime find your local women’s aid and talk to your GP. You might want to seek out counselling to help you re wire your brain. It all takes time x

[Findmyself]

Thanks KIP how do I find my local women’s aid?

[KIP.]

There might be a link on here or you can google it. Mine were fantastic. They have access to lots of organisations. Mine came with me to housing, arranged a meeting with a solicitor for me and just gave me the emotional support I needed. They also have support groups and have a look at their freedom programme x

[Lisa]

Hi there Findmyself, you can find the details for your local domestic abuse service here

Best wishes

Lisa

[Author]

Posts