Advice on finances & leaving please

[Rapunzel]

My other half is refusing to put the house on the market so we can go our separate ways – apparently it’s not tidy enough to sell (that’s an excuse and a dig at me).
I’d like to know that if I leave and go and rent with my 2 primary school age kids, what I am still liable to pay him for. He wants 50/50 custody so he doesn’t have to pay maintenance & says I still have to cover the mortgage and debt payments here (we have (detail removed by moderator) debt which I knew nothing about until last year when he got the message about me leaving) I am desperate to get out but still feel totally trapped. It’s like he holds all the cards and is stopping my every eacape. Please help me if you can. Thank you x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. You’ve made a huge step in reaching out to us, so well done🧡
Are we your first port of call, women’s aid(WA) are smashing. If you can’t get through on the national helpline try your local one. They have their own solicitors who specialise in DA. Are you working or just him. You may be able to get legal aid but what I learned is even though I’ll get it, once the house is sold they do a claw back to get paid basically for their services. My hubby works, i dont. If there’s a chance of physical abuse the lawyer can get him put out as since he’s earning he can afford a place of his own. Have you been to your doctor who can corroborate your accusations. Not sure where in UK you are, I’m in Scotland. The solicitor said he could get an interim exclusion order from a judge which would force him out of the house. As to the house being sold the solicitor through the justice system can force the sale without his permission. Whether its tidy or not. I have an ex local authority so I’m going to ask if the council would buy it back. All debt is joint but if he’s run it up, forged your name/details, that could be a bargaining tool for the solicitor in the divorce proceedings😉 the solicitor will get in touch with all creditors, and organise debts to be cleared once divorce is through, so try not to worry about the debt he’s got that you knew nothing of.
Don’t go 50/50 on anything. Definately get legal advice. It’s too much to deal with as well as organising leaving, looking out fir the children, dealing with his c..p.
Don’t listen to him when he’s making demands or saying this is how it is. Rather when he says I’ll get xyz and you have to do xyz what he really means is HE won’t get xyz and he has to do xyz. Sounds exhausting, it’s just part of the game they play🤮
Look into FOG,it’s fear, obligation and guilt. It explains a lot.
Don’t let him have access once you get away, let the courts decide,😊
Good luck and again welcome..

IWMB 💕💕

[maddog]

Please seek professional advice Rapunzel. These men are unbelievably awful. You can get free legal advice from CAB and often Women’s Aid have a solicitor who works with them and has surgeries. If you have any insurance with legal cover you can use that too. My ex was a monster about preparing the house for sale. He was hideous. In the end it was the police who suggested that it was better that he moved out. It can feel as though it is them saying jump and us asking how high. It’s a difficult and horrible time. You will need all the real life support you can manage to move on safely.

[Musicalmad]

My solicitor told me that they can force you to pay half of the mortgage but that you can also force them to pay maintenance for having to live somewhere else and the two things cancel eachother out x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Musicalmad, have you thought if you want to keep the house so that you have a nest egg for the future. If that’s the case I can understand you paying half the mortgage. But if you want out of the house, as I do, as it no longer means anything to me, he’ll either need to buy you out or you can force the sale of the house. Is your solicitor one recommended by WA? Not all solicitors who say they know about DA do. They have no idea and all you end up doing is going back and forth to court, and they are the only ones to win out of the situation. Personally i wouldn’t trust anyone to commit to paying for something they’re not getting any benefit of, all ties have to be severed in domestic abuse cases, that’s why i asked if your solicitor came via WA💜
Keep posting, msny if the ladies on here have been I your position and will know the ins and outs of it.
Best of luck. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas
IWMB 💕💕

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