Advice on teenagers after trauma / abuse

[anotherlife]

I haven’t been on here for a while. I’ve been away from abusive ex for several years but can’t get away because of our children. I won’t go on about that though.
I’m just looking for advice / to hear from others who have daughters more affected by the abuse than their son, or just generally with a teenage daughter after the abuse.
I’ve tried several areas of help. My daughter has a strong will and in some ways things are probably just teenage stuff. But I can look back now and see that the abuse was for most of her life, she’s grown up seeing dad get his way, lose his temper, flip out, sudden mood changes, sulks, threats, everything really apart from physical violence, though he was very scary and intimidating to us all.
I feel terribly guilty but know I did what I could, but didn’t realise it was abuse until it escalated.
The reason I’m here though, I struggle with her so much, but am trying areas of support for her / us still. How have your daughters coped / changed over the years? We are loving and not aggressive in manner or words, but loads of issues and we can never go anywhere or do anything as she wants control and own way, but I know a lot of this isn’t her fault. I also feel less supported by family due to her behaviour as she gets older. But I think more than anything she needs love and to feel safe and accepted, but my family just don’t see why she can’t ‘just do as she’s told’……
I have 2 teenagers, a job, an elderly relative to look after, the kids constant mess, etc. But I can cope better some times than others.
I just want to know if things improved for anyone, as years ago at womens aid groups I only really heard of kids taking on the role of the abuser and some being told to leave as it got so bad. That was my fear for years.
Thank you wonderful ladies 💗

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Anotherlife, your story.and ex sound so similar to my life. I also have 2 teenagers, my daughter is the most affected. Both of my children are aware of some of the abuse, my ex involved them in the end. My daughter is more mentally traumatised and is controlling, manipulative ….. my heart breaks.as I know where she’s picked that up from (some of her words are what her father would say). We talk about learnt behaviours, it’s not been a year yet for me, both my children are on CAMH’S waiting list for trauma counselling.
I don’t have Any advice sadly but I wanted you to know that you are not alone ❤

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