After all this time still thinking of him…

[Beenherebefore]

I have been reading everyones posts. Haven’t been here for a long old time and have moved on so much since my relationship. I have had a couple of years worth of counselling and am marrying a lovely man this year whom I love dearly….

But just recently I keep thinking about my ex. He seemed to have this addictive attraction that I loved. I know he was an absolute (enter horrible expletive here) and he totally messed up a massive portion of my life but every know and again something will happen that will make we want to think about him and almost wallow in it all. That’s usually when to make myself come on here and remind me what he was like as I think a lot of the time I have blocked out some of the trauma. Sometimes my mum will remind me of what I said he did when I left and I am surprised to remember it despite it being merely a few years ago.

Am I normal to keep thinking about him? And fondly too? Even when I’m happy and have moved on?

All thoughts appreciated. Is it feel like the worst woman in the world x

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

It doesn’t mean you are a bad person at all, it sounds like trauma bonding and would suggest therefore that the trauma is still there in some capacity. I read that trauma gets buried deep in the body and we have to heal it to be able to fully move on, which takes a focused and specific type of therapy. What type of counselling did you have?

[Beenherebefore]

Hi sunshine

Thank you. I think she said it was gestalt? Didn’t talk about whether it dealt with trauma. I’ve been having counselling for a couple of years now and we’ve dealt with so much of everything!

Will look into this though, thank you

[Good samaritan]

One of the other participants hit a nail on the head for me. When the reality sinks in and you process that they were abusers it’s much like a death and the good we saw in them dies because it was just an act and that person never actually existed. I still see my ex do a little dance in front of the dog which makes me smile but them I enter a different room and see the damage that same person did and it hits home again. I hope one day I will find some comfort in memories but atm it’s all still very raw for me and so much is still left in limbo.

[Author]

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