After many years of peace, a final devastating blow

[Alicenotichains]

I don’t know if I am even on the right forum anymore.

So far as I was concerned it was over, he was gone. Years and years ago. And I was a success story. I started a brand new life, moved, got a career, got married, bought a house. After several years of shared parenting, the kids suddenly refused  to see him and he just seemed to vanish. He suddenly moved areas. He has never asked me to see them. It just all stopped and I experienced several years of what felt like a peaceful life. I actually felt like a normal person.

But that has now come to an abrupt end. The kids have individual counsellors and the truth has come out. He was/is a paedophile. The kids are brave survivors of CSA. I cannot begin to articulate what I have heard and what I know now to be true. The abuse happened during his unsupervised contact with them and I had absolutely no idea. It’s like the script of a horror film.  I cannot describe the devastation that these disclosures have unleashed. The kids are both carrying the lifelong physical, emotional and psychological consequences of what he has done. I feel like my world has been shattered into tiny pieces. Whereas before, I had a “I’ll show you all” type attitude which motivated me to rebuild my life after abuse, I now feel like I have a life sentence. I cannot do anything to change has happened. I cannot go back and protect them. I will live with this horror in my mind for the rest of my life.

If I could go back now, if I could do it all again, I would pay much, much more attention to the signs that were there. I would be more curious. I would be more present. I was so focused on my own trauma that I missed that my kids lives were silently being destroyed and they couldn’t find the words to tell me. They are the most beautiful souls and they deserved so much more than this sh*t show.
They are so courageous and I will dedicate the rest of my time on this earth to making sure that I do everything to help them heal. I love them so much. I hope he rots in hell.

 

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Alicenotichains

What a terrible shock and the horros your children suffered at his hands. I don’t think there are any words that can ease the pain you clearly feel, or the heal the experiences they have had, but I wanted you to hear what you have written about what you ALL went through, it leaves all of us open to abuse from him, there is often so little that a mum can do to change the course of law/courts/decisions made in the best of interests at the time without the hindsight so much easier to see with once you have it.

In survival mode as you all were dealing with him and just trying to get through each day and geet past it as best you could, you couldn’t do more. Many of us as mums have to live knowing that our little ones suffered horrors at the hands of their monster fathers, and as much as we would all love to be wonderf woman, we’re not, we’re just doing our best every day knowing that we do want the best, but sometimes suffer the worst.

It’s such a big step that your children have made to even have counsellors, to have openedup to them and I hope this helps them come to terms with what he did, and to know you are all together in this latest fight, closer than ever and there fore each other.

I hope you can find a way through this, and you are on the right forum, although I guess this will nedessarily be others out there too, I hope you feel this is a safe place to bring the weight ofthis latest shock.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Try to remember, no matter how vigilant you are these types always seem to evade most of their awful acts being found out, you only have to look throughout history at all those that have perpetrated without detection, don’t blame yourself for this.

Sorry for all the typos, I tried to edit them out, but the time must’ve run out before I could repost it with the edits in.

I also added, keep looking after yourself and your dear children.  Your love and support will mean everything to them, and everyone knows this is only his fault.

[Alicenotichains]

Dear Twisted Sister,

 

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I really appreciate your words. You are right, it has brought us closer together. They are not carrying this alone inside their bodies and minds anymore. We are facing this together now. They are talking to me, to each other and to their counsellors. I know we are lucky that they have counselling. And yes he kept it so well hidden. All the other abusive behaviours seemed to mask it. Maybe that’s why he was so unashamedly abusive. It created a smokescreen for his dark depravity. It feels like a battle with evil in its purest form. But we have love on our side and that’s the greater power.

Thank you again,

 

Alice

[EvenSerpentsShine]

My thoughts are with you and your children. What an absolutely awful discovery.  It’s sickening.
Im so sorry that you and you’re children were subjected to this monster.

[Alicenotichains]

Dear EvenSerpentsShine,

Thank you for your kind words.  I appreciate being able to express it like this and to feel heard.  We are determined to not let him destroy us. Even though he has gone from our lives his work just continues if we allow this to engulf us fully. We have that power at least.

Thank you again,

Alice

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