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Does anybody here think oh my God how could u have been so deluded and faithful to someone so selfish and angry and grumpy and deluded about themselves and the behavior that you think you have been put under a spell or perhaps when the chaos has ended why did I put up with it .I feel embarrassed now and ashamed that I was so publicly used and exploited by what my father calls just the alcoholic a*****e !! I am starting to feel embarrassed being used and abused by a complete monster. It is like I met him he was like a Tasmanian devil whirling around and screwing my whole life up and then fine !! I know I wanted him gone but now it like omg (detail removed by moderator) years with him!! I could have been doing amazing things with someone who cared and triky loved me !! I think he did once I am not sure .I still have his verbal swearing shouting at me ringing in my head!, anyway yes I am shocked embaressed that I put up with him and I look at him now and he is hideous I see only a drunk angry tramp like everyone else ! I think I went temporarily insane to have been put down so deeply by someone who isn’t that spectacular themselves.sorry I am long get carries away x
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Yeah I forgot to add its all my fault by the way!! He has female friends too platonic that’s what I don’t get either this man is seriously twisted .he could sleep anywhere I remember being on long journeys and being jealous and when I loved him ams its so sad to wake up and realise it’s all one-sided and the person you trusted and thought was the one was actually jusyc a user dominator and latched on to all I had and took over for his own benefit. Sometimes I think he only loved my dog and transport but I was just a necessity if you catch my drift x any way rambling sorry what head f***s these men are ro us I am scared ofer trusting anyone again!
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Hi Woke Up,
Yes, I can identify with what you write.
It’s like they put us under a spell and all common sense went out the window.
As I put in another post, I think it has something to do with out empathetic natures and optimism- thinking the best of people and hoping for a good outcome. We see the bruised boy beneath the monster, and hope that we can access that little boy and love him all better. Fact is, they’ve invariably already turned into that monster.
We shouldn’t diss our empathetic natures. We don’t want to become callous and untrusting and hardened like them. We just need to make sure we direct out compassion at the right people!
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I still have the echo of his shouting in my head, years after getting out.
Recently I spoke to a policeman who looked him up and said that he looks so rough and he actually always looked rough according to the policeman.
People I know found that he looked violent.
Why did I find him so attractive?
I still cannot explain this.
I am still numb from all the abuse and some of it is still too cruel to allow to surface.
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