All by myself…

[PurpleGrass]

I have posted on here previously about leaving my husband. The reason I haven’t is that he threatens to commit suicide everytime I leave and I get a torrent of abuse from his family everytime I leave so I am forced to stay.
This time I have a plan in place and plan to leave him a letter, the plan is to be executed soon so I do not have to do it face to face and be manipulated. My family are aware of his behaviour and my plan. Originally my family said they supported me.
(detail removed by Moderator) I received a long message from my sister, saying a family meeting about me, had to been held without my knowledge to discuss my situation. They had decided that I should not leave my marriage and give my husband another chance, he’s had many, that I should cancel my leaving plan, as I would regret leaving an abusive marriage. This is driven by the fact they do not want to cope with the fall out and the stigma of divorce. I am beyond devastated that they expect me to stay in an unsafe situation and put myself in danger just to suit them. I am already finding this very difficult as I have a trauma bond with my husband.
Thank you for listening.

[Lisa]

Hi PurpleGrass,

Thank you for sharing with us. It is understandable you feel devastated and let down by what has been said by your family about leaving your relationship. I hope it has helped to post to us here about what is happening. Do you have support from your local domestic abuse service? They can offer ongoing emotional and practical support including helping to put together a safety plan for leaving. They will understand how difficult leaving is. The details of your local service can be found via this link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

It is very distressing to hear threats of suicide and to also receive abuse from others for not staying in the relationship. Unfortunately, it is a common tactic for abusive people to threaten suicide to try to maintain the control over the relationship. Your partner is the only person responsible for their behaviour and actions, you cannot stop them from being abusive. You deserve to be treated with respect and to feel safe in your relationship.

Please do keep posting when you are able to, there is support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hello PurpleGrass

I know it matters what your family think and feel about your situation, and how upsetting it can be to have them react this way, but I just wanted to say, that its only you that’s in this marriage, they are not, and they also don’t fully understand or appreciate the risks to you, or perhaps don’t want to see, resist seeing because of other things they believe.

Ultimately the only thing that does matter is you, and being safe. So I hope their reaction about you, yet without you, doesn’t change your mind on what you know to be the truth of the situation, and to hold strong with your instincts and follow through on your plan.

Their love for you should last regardless of the man you are with, or not.

Good luck for your plans

warmest wishes

ts

[Mellow]

All
What matters is you .if you have to go against family do it.you are in control now this is your life they are not living it .i would also consider cutting your family out .i know it’s hard but you don’t need that kind of drama.(detail removed by Moderator) I’m a prime example of someone who went against all that and I tell you if I didn’t I would be trapped in hell.if your family care about you they would care about your view they are not living it you have to do what’s right for you if it was me I’d leave the area you are living and get away from them all

[Author]

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