All over the place 🤯

[Theatrequeen]

My emotions are all over the place , I hate him for what he did to me and how he treated me but just recently I also feel as though I miss him , it’s so hard to explain I guess you miss what became your normal life .

I keep going between questioning if I did the right thing , knowing I did the right thing…

I’m so confused 🤔

I went away (timeframe removed by Moderator) which he knew , I have to stay in contact as we share the dog.

He kept messaging me , I know he did this on purpose I know he didn’t want me to enjoy it he, did it when we were together and I was doing something that was supposed to be enjoyable.

I did answer him …

Also (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago he was threatening suicide if I didn’t take him back (timeframe removed by Moderator) he is messaging asking about divorce…

I just wish he would leave me alone

I’m all the place , I was supposed to have a appointment with mind (timeframe removed by Moderator) but it got cancelled, it would of been helpful to have someone to talk through all my feelings/thoughts with .

Guess I’ll carry on keeping busy and carry on giving myself something to work towards , honestly if I wasn’t working towards a (specific detail removed by Moderator) (people relying on me)I don’t know if I could keep going .

Sorry for rambling on I can’t explain how I’m feeling, I don’t even really know myself I just needed to let it all out .

[Theatrequeen]

I *didn’t* answer him

[Pusheen]

Hi i know that feeling i went through it that is one of the hardest bits. Try and contact (local service name removed by Moderator) or a Domestic abuse helpline give them safe times to contact and if you are concerned about those threats call the police non emergency number they will deal with it. One thing I will say is he won’t do it its to control you but for peace of mind do that. (timeframe removed by Moderator) I had to do all of that.
Everytime you hear that guilt remember you deserve love that doesn’t hurt or make you feel unsafe. Say no to it and remember you are so brave. You miss what he fakes not him. The real him is the monster. I needed to hear that once. It honestly hurt like hell. You come first always

[Neverendingstory]

Hi Theatrequeen

You have been so brave leaving and it’s understandable you feel all over the place

I’m sorry i can’t help, i’ve not even left mine but sure there are women on here who can

Have you spoken to anyone on a helpline?

And the confusion they cause makes us ramble so don’t apologise

Sending love and hope you are having a better day x

[EvenSerpentsShine]

It’s a very difficult time. Staying in contact will make it more difficult also of course, but it can also serve some purpose in allowing you to see the cycle of abuse played out in black and white in front of you.

With time that can provide some insight, but in the moment it’s very difficult because you probably will have absolutely everything thrown at you. I did. Desperate talk of suicide one day, then silence, then some chat about a friend he’d met up with, and so on like this non stop. Almost always a nasty undercurrent of blame or criticism directed toward me, whether overtly or subtly.
Sometimes it all began to feel like manipulation, like when, a few weeks later after a suicidal phase it becomes clear that he’s made some clear plans for the future.
He couldn’t keep on top of the narrative enough to realize that eventually I’d see that he made these future plans while telling me he was going to kill himself because life wasn’t worth living.

Im just rambling now, but really to try and say that it will be very difficult for a while.

I have come to a situation now where I realise that he just always tries to make his emotional state my responsibility.

That’s what it comes down to. It’s always my fault or me that needs to do something. It takes a while to really step away from that, but once I did, I just don’t feel quite so tied to it now.

I feel human emotion for him but it’s not my responsibility.
I left because I didn’t like the way he treated me. We don’t need any more reason than that.

 

[Cherries]

Hey TQ.

Just to say, I am in the same boat. Some days are better than others but I am finding the whole experience…weird.

I had a sleepover at a friends recently. Felt like I was doing the walk of shame home. Absolutely no reason to. Nobody there waiting on me its just that ingrained that his needs come first.

Even when asked to babysit for grandchildren I mentally scan to see if its going to be a problem with his work schedule/our downtime together. Then I remember its just my schedule now.

That thing that you’re keeping yourself busy with? Make sure its something special for you. Preferably something you wouldnt have had the time or permission for if you can. Its important to reap the rewards of our leaving too. These are the things that help cement the freedom x

[Author]

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