Alone but not alone

[Happybelle]

Anybody else not alone at home but have never felt so incredibly lonely?
He’s still here but what’s the point. I’m awake when he’s asleep and vice versa. What makes me mad as well the past few days he has been witness to my breakdowns because of the pressures of keeping my sh it together and not having the opportunity to fail. It just is absolutely not an option. His response is pretty much silence. No support, no activity, just sleeping. It’s driving me mad. He’s been very poorly but even now everything’s up and open again, still dosnt want to get medical attention. His choice.
Anyway… am rambling. It’s all just a waste of time but at least I’ve not been shouted at for a few days.

[Dovegirl]

On so so many occasions I have felt the most loneliest person in the world when I’ve not been home alone but for whatever reason you just do when you’re surrounded by DA. I think its because you feel trapped and isolated. It’s truly awful. You are not alone – remember that. Sending hugs xx

[browneyedmum]

Enjoy the “break”?

He’s probably dodging getting healthcare because of the drugs.

But yes, for years and years and years, I felt lonely in my marriage. At some point or another, my ex just decided that he wasn’t into me, but somehow I was supposed to be okay with that and shut up and put up.

He had grown to be emotionally distant.

He’s literally not touched me since our youngest child was conceived.

And we’re about to get into some TMI:

He has a health condition where he claims that he simply feels no desire and for him, sex was emotional connection. And further, I should somehow be okay with that and once again, shut up and put up. Doing research there and looking for support for myself on that, I’ve learned there is next to no support there. For him, it likely robs a large part of his sense of masculinity. And then the societal stigmas for me where I’m expected to be happy anyways because I got toys, or something.

My ex was disinterested in doing much with me unless it revolved around his interests. He resisted doing things with me and involved my interests.

We tried the whole, “Let’s start dating again” … but it was always put on me to make plans and arrangements and while he enjoyed going out for meals, that spark never re-ignited. He enjoyed having plans made for him rather than reciprocating and making any plans for us. So many times, we tried to ‘date’ again and it never took because he’s not into putting into the relationship.

For me, it got to the point of a bit of wierdness.

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We also discussed me having an extra marital relationship, but my ex was only comfortable if it was with another woman, rather than another man.

And at one point, I almost had an affair because I was so lonely. Fortunately the other person declined. I recognise that I had that need, emotionally and sexually, in that moment, but in hindsight, I’m glad that person declined.

So yeah, felt very lonely for a very very very long time.

[Happybelle]

I like the concept of enjoying the break!! It’s so odd because it’s so quiet. It’s not silent treatment – there’s no atmosphere – it’s just silent. Unresponsive or yes and no answers. Thank goodness for work 😊

[Author]

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