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This is something I’ve asked myself a lot. I have anxiety and can be snappy and short tempered. I’ve said things I regret in agrumnetd both to my ex and to others that are close to me- mostly my mum. I adore her and would be lost without her but I do lash out at her when I’m at my worst. I follow a (Detail removed by Moderator) and have posted a few times. I know We’re all just giving opinions on these places but some replies to some of my posts recently have really made me believe I’m the one at fault (though I know they didn’t intend it that way). It was suggested my ex perhaps only abused me because my strong character triggered him to do so. That’s something I suspect anyway. His partner now is far better suited to him and him leaving me wasn’t really abuse.. it was just unkind. But perhaps he was at the end of his tether. I’m really far from perfect. I always thought that because I regret any mistakes I make and I say I’m sorry when I’m wrong, that it meant I wasn’t a bad person… I’m begging to doubt that now though
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Hi still trying. Tbh id ditch the (Detail removed by Moderator) page, (Detail removed by Moderator). Even if it’s a closed group, I’d still be wary. If people are making remarks like you’re saying
a) they’ve never been abused
b)they’re closet abusers themselves.
You apologise afterwards and feel remorse, abusers don’t
Sometimes it can take a long time for our teenage self to grow up i suppose, and the tantrum throwing stroppy g*t she was, hasn’t stopped just because she’s an adult.
A friend of mine is the most horrible person to her mum because of the abuse she endured at her ex’s hands. But she sees what she does and is trying.
I had/ Have a strong character too as do most of us, that’s what attracted him to you in the first place. We do not make them abuse us, no matter what anyone says to you😠
This is by far the best place to be, you can say what you want, rant away if that is what you need. No-one judges you or gives horrible advice. We support each other unconditionally. We know what it is to be abused and would not dream of doing so. Too many of us would pick up on it and a moderator would step in too.IWMB 💕💕
Well done on reaching out and welcome to the clan💜 -
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Thank you for your replies, I’ve unfollowed the page now. One of my friends who’s struggling in their own relationship has sent me a link about attachment disorders (they think they have one). I think it’s possible I’m fear avoidant… could that explain why he kept leaving me. Perhaps I made things too difficult.
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Dear Still-trying
Its ok, you can blame him for his abuse, and you must.
Whatever you have going on for you is something separate, if indeed you even do. Many realise that once long enough out of an abusive relationship to recover sufficiently there wasn’t anything wrong with them apart from the effects of the abuse!
Its not always the case, but very much part of being abused is being blamed for being ill in some way causing the abuse, and its common for women to believe this when they are in the abuse and coming out of it.Get some support for you, from someone who does really understand dv, and work through that first, theres a lot of anger from being abused.
Warmest wishes ts
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