Am I being stupid by being upset?

[Fireredfox]

Hi,

I want to know if I’m being stupid by feeling upset and alone..

So my partner and I have been on and off for (detail removed by Moderator) years.
We have seen other people in these (detail removed by Moderator) years but finally we have decided we want to be together. So (detail removed by Moderator) I moved closer to him so we can give it a good try (we were (detail removed by Moderator) hrs apart before)

Recently I’ve taken a huge downward spiral with my mental health.
My partner decided he’s going to take a solo holiday by himself, leave me behind, (detail removed by Moderator).
Normally I wouldn’t care, but I’m struggling, as I do not know anyone where I live, he is the only person I know.
I am sad and upset that he has gone away without me,left me behind. I really really low and lonely. I feel upset that he’s decided to go and I feel strange that he’s taken a solo holiday.
He’s (detail removed by Moderator) years older than me and he’s had commitment issues with me in the past.
He knows I’m not in a good place atm but I feel he doesn’t understand or he over look it.

Basically, would anyone else feel upset or sad if their partner went away without them?

[minimeerkat]

its understandable that you are feeling upset about this right now, because not only are you suffering with your mental health but you have also moved to somewhere unfamiliar – so at the moment you do not have any support network at all
i suppose the solo holiday might not have been expected now that you are attempting to give the relationship a good try. maybe a joint holiday would have been nice considering what you are now trying to achieve, & especially with you moving such a long way to be near him
as long as you are not the only one taking this a bit more seriously – you will have to see whether anything else proves this in the near future
and it does sounds a bit concerning that your partner doesnt understand or overlooks your mental health issues. its not good to discover that a partner is possibly incapable of empathy or compassion
obviously up until this point you had both been living your own lives, many miles apart from one another. so i dont know if it is going to take a bit of time for things to now change & him becoming more committed. but then you say he has had commitment issues before anyway
you have moved many miles to be nearer this person. i can only hope that as time passes you will know if this was worth it & was the right thing to do x

[minimeerkat]

p.s. dont forget that there are a few mental health helplines so hoping you have some contact details of places like this you can call if you need to

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, I am so sorry that you are not well…your partner going away without you is dismissive and uncaring.. could you imagine if it was the other way around and he was poorly, I bet you wouldn’t dream of taking a holiday?

Very understandable how strange it must feel for him to take himself away without a thought for you.

Maybe while he is away work on yourself, phone the WA helpline, reach out… have you seen your GP?

You are worth so much more than he is giving you, that’s his choice.

Big hugs HFH ❤️

[Toffeeapple]

Hi fire red fox
I can relate to some of this. I don’t think you’re being stupid at all. Throughout my marriage of many decades, my husband regularly went away drinking with friends. I used to feel upset.But some of the reason I was upset was because I was emotionally neglected as a child. I was naive about my husband’s personality. He went on a jolly when our kids were young, I struggled looking after them. I was up all night with my son who was vomiting. I don’t drive and have no friends. He never asked me how I felt about him disappearing. I went to a family event one day. When I got back, he said he had missed me. He is aware of my mental health issues and has told me I’m crazy. We hadn’t been married long when he first went away. I didn’t realise that it was a sign of things to come.It was a pattern that repeated itself. My husband made a commitment but didn’t keep it. Sadly my husband also abuses me. Anyway I hope life gets brighter for you. Take care x.

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