Am i being unreasonable

[Scaredmumof1]

My ex has said that he doesnt like seeing his child in the arrangement we have now ((removed by moderator)). I said i would like her to be put into a nursery up near me and i can work my hours around her (i miss her loads as i only see her weekends) but he is not happy with that and insists that he puts her into a nursery by him and gets his new GF to look after her and play mummy (says i can have her Friday after nursery to monday morning when i drop her off)
Am i being unreasonable?
He also said that he will take me to court over this and make sure i will lose everything

[ISOPeace]

Hey! Sorry to hear you’re missing your daughter so much, which I’m sure any mum in your position would. I don’t know the detail of your situation and some of it has been removed so it is hard to comment but on the face of it it doesn’t sound unreasonable at all. I would recommend getting legal advice. There are charities that offer it for free if needed e.g. Rights of Women. If you know the legal position it will be much easier to negotiate with him.

His threats about losing everything are typical abuser threats (I get this from my husband a lot). I would be very surprised if he will be able to make sure you’ll lose everything. Courts like both parents to have access. I would also be very surprised if a court would find it acceptable for his girlfriend to have access instead of you just because it suits the father.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you xxxxx

[Lisa]

Hi Scaredmumof1,

Please know that you are not being unreasonable to want to have a say regarding child contact. It seems it’s all on his terms , which isn’t right. We understand how distressing child contact issues can be for women and their children. Very often abusive men use the issue of child contact as a means of continuing abusive behaviour long after the relationship has ended.
If you haven’t done so already, it would be beneficial for you to get some legal advice. You could contact a family law solicitor who has experience in cases of domestic violence.
To find out whether you are eligible for assistance from the Community Legal Services Fund (legal aid), you could contact the Community Legal Service. The website has a legal aid calculator, which will advise on eligibility. They are available on 0845 345 43 45, 9am – 5pm. The website is available at http://www.legalservices.gov.uk/civil.asp .
Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Rights of Women are available on 0207 251 6577. They also have a website at http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk .
The Coram Children’s Legal Centre is a unique, independent national charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people. They offer legal advice and representation to children, their carers and professionals throughout the UK. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480, 8am – 6pm, Mon – Fri. The Children’s Legal Centre has a website at http://childlawadvice.org.uk/ .
You may also want to consider contacting Family Lives on 0808 800 2222, 24hrs. Family Lives is available Mon-Fri, 9am-9 pm, and 10am-3pm Sat & Sun. You can call about any family issue, big or small. You can send your question by email or you can chat online with one of the parent support workers.
Also, your local domestic abuse service may be able to help you to access legal support. Search for your nearest service here.
I hope this is useful to you.
Take care,

Lisa

[gettingtired]

Hello Scaredmumof1,
You’re not being unreasonable at all.
I spoke to a domestic abuse helpline before regarding someone else who’s partner was threatening to take their children away from her and the helpline told me it’s one of the most common threats these men make to women who’ve escaped or are trying to escape abuse. Using the children as weapons to threaten the Mother and continue to control her. It really is awful.
I hope you’re ok and can reach out for some support as you deserve it x*x

[Author]

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