Am I crazy?

[Grapevine456]

I am yet again so confused and needing a check on reality.
(detail removed by Moderator) my husband and I had our (detail removed by Moderator) counselling session together. I raised a few things that have happened that have completely broken my trust in my husband, left me feeling ashamed including the sharing of covertly recorded conversations and using our child as a manipulative pawn.
Some of my recollections were questioned and my husband stated I had remembered things wrongly. I was told I was going mad and i should seek specialist advice. However at the end of the session he became tearful and apologised, acknowledged his behaviour had been wrong and I was asked how I felt. I was honest and said i felt confused and that this was the first apology i had received. He then left the session in a fit of rage and emailed our counsellor saying I had conveniently “forgotten” events, that I had not apologised for things that I had done and I had caused him a lot of sadness. What do I make if all of this? Is this a sign he might change or am I kidding myself?

[Bananaboat]

Couples counselling isn’t recommended for abusive relationships for the reasons you’re seeing. He won’t accept responsibility, will push all the problems onto you, question your recollection & not allow you to have a view. He’ll start saying he knows better or he’s better in some way than the counsellor, probably stop attending. Or he’ll use the info you discuss against you, like raging after the session. Also expect the flip flopping as you’ve seen with the apologising at the end, he’s trying to figure out the best way to manipulate the room. Is your counsellor experienced in abuse? Can you have a solo session to discuss all of your thoughts? x

[Sungirl]

Same as what Bananaboat has said. I tried Couples Counselling and he lied about lots of things, made out he couldn’t remember, broke down in tears at one point, just talked about himself. It was exhausting. I used to feel depleted every time. We ended up working in things and he made an effort with his communication, but the same problems started to come back

[Grapevine456]

Thanks Banana boat and Sun Girl. Its hard to repeatedly go through things, meanwhile nothing changes, or actually worsens.
My whole family are supportive but also tired of the rollercoaster ride and advising we decide what we are doing as our kids are suffering, particularly (detail removed by moderator).
I’m at a low point full of uncertainty but with expectations on me to do the right thing but not sure what this is.

[Grapevine456]

Sun girl did you stay together after communication reverted? What happened next?

[Sad and alone]

Ah gosh they are hateful aren’t they? I can’t stand it when they twist it round and say how sad or depressed they feel, even though they are the instigators. I never want to argue but if we attempt a normal discussion about something and I don’t agree with what he says I get told I’m arguing or fighting. It’s exhausting. He often tells me I’ve said something I haven’t and puts words in my mouth. Infuriating.
I asked him about going to couples’ counselling – he wouldn’t do it. Maybe he was worried someone would side with me and question his behaviour. I have read it’s not a good idea to go solely to joint sessions but each have separate ones as well. You’d need a counsellor with specific expertise in these sort of relationships so they’re aware of the tricks that can be played.

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