Am I crazy for being here

[Sunshinedrops]

Hello to you all!
I’m new to this forum but I guess I’m beginning to realise that my relationship of (detail removed by Moderator) years has been one of emotional abuse or has it ! I feel so utterly numb and confused but my gut telling me that it’s not normal! So maybe I could tell you about it and get some advice would be great! I met my partner when I was (detail removed by Moderator) within 6 months we had moved in and I was pregnant! Had the baby got pnd. my c(detail removed by Moderator) then informed me that he had been texting her wanting to meet up for sex. He denied it and said she was jealous of our house, baby ect, and I believed him over her which drove massive wedge between us. However after few weeks wanted to leave, I was threatened he would shoot me( he owned guns) and I would never see my child again! Fast forward few months later he started to be nice constantly texting, being lovely Flexible seeing his son, we started to sleep together and I became pregnant with my 2nd child. But he wasn’t nice for too long and said my baby wasn’t his implying I was sleeping around, which I wasn’t! We argued throughout my pregnancy and it effected my mental health I was seen by the mental health team!
Once my 2nd was born, all the fighting disappeared and he once again charmed me and he moved in!
Things have been settled even bought a new home together….untill the other weekend he got blind drunk and laughed that I had believed him all those years ago about my (detail removed by Moderator) , he did text her and he made me believe him! I felt so heartbroken! I’ve been sleeping in separate room when the children are away, then he oooh I’m sorry but I feel relived, I’ve done everything for this family and making me feel guilty for being upset and especially not giving him sex! He knows by my body language and I told him I need space but he ignored this and grabbed me inappropriately and then tuts at me, when I say don’t touch me!

There many more we things on daily basis that keep adding up I’m so burnt out! Thanks for reading this far ( feels good to write this down)

[Twisted Sister]

No, Sunshinedrops, you’re not crazy for being here, but he sounds unhinged and abusive.

It is exhausting, and I’m glad it felt good to write it down. Keep writing it down, here, or anywhere to purge it all from you, and in writing your brain will process all his harms. You will get support for your situation here, so I hope you will keep writing, and reading, and that it keeps helping.

Being with them, does warp our brains, and our lives become all about them. You and your children deserve better than he has to offer, they deserve to feel safe, as do you, and not to be living on edge all thetime.

How cruel to have hidden that all those years to then take joy and pride in announcing he was trying to cheat with your cousin on you. Sick, sick, sick and so cruel. His grabbing you that way, sexual assault.

I hope you can keep seeing clearly and know that you all deserve better. Deserve an abuse free life, and freedom from this endless abuse.

warmest wishes

ts

[Sunshinedrops]

Twisted sister thank you for your kind words and validating me, it lovely to have that support and kind of strange having kindness without any judgement!
I’ve started to journal as I think I’ve ignored a lot, last night I couldn’t sleep my brain was going around and around, thinking of different situations! I’m going to counselling mainly for high anxiety and had few panic attacks since I found that information out, think it’s come at a perfect time too!
Keep in touch! Take care x

[Sunshinedrops]

Twisted sister thank you for your kind words and validating me, it lovely to have that support and kind without any judgement!
I’ve started to journal as I think I’ve ignored a lot, last night I couldn’t sleep my brain was going around and around, thinking of different situations! I’m going this week to start counselling mainly for high anxiety and had few panic attacks since I found that information out, think it’s come at a perfect time too!
Keep in touch! Take care x

[Twisted Sister]

thats good to hear, and good luck with the counselling, and the being free of it all.

[dirtylaundry]

definitely abusive in so many ways- lying, manipulation, threatening to shoot you, threatening to take your children away, joyous at your pain (of the [detail removed by Moderator] situation), sexual abuse, coercion. I could go on and on. He’s not going to change. Sounds like he is thriving and joyous. Ask yourself the hard questions. Make your feelings the only ones that matter. How often have you done that? I know I never have.
I’m brand new to this page as of today. We gotta keep talking with each other to gain the strength to leave relationships we know are abusive. I’m struggling with accepting it myself.
xoxo

[dirtylaundry]

highjacking your thread for a minute.

*I can’t figure out how to make a post here. can anyone help me?

[Twisted Sister]

Hi dirtylaundry

if you are signed in, you need to first choose the specific forum you want to post in, whether its ‘general discussion’ or ‘new here’ or something else, once you are inside the selected forum you can complete the box at the bottom, give it a title, and any tags, and then complete your text and ‘submit’, and it will go straight to the top of the forum you are in, and then will show in ‘topics’ too, which is all topics, in date/time order. It will show immediately, without moderation, so be sure to monitor your words don’t give away identifying details, like your age, or how many years/months since separation/length of relationship.

Let us know if you have any troubles, you can also click on a user name and then private message too.

Welcome, and I hope you find it really helpful and supportive for your own situation.

warmest wishes

ts

[dirtylaundry]

thank you! figured it out : )

[dirtylaundry]

however, my post is not appearing. it’s been a couple hours.

[Twisted Sister]

hi dirtylaundry

Hope its showing now. IDK but there may be an initial review period to ensure that new posters posts are genuine, and not someone will ill-intent, like an abuser pretending to be a woman so he can post abuse to us.

Normally the post will instantly appear, like your replies have.

Hopefully its showing by now.

ts

[Lisa]

Thanks for this ts. I’m glad you’ve managed to post dirtylaundry, welcome to the forum.

Lisa

[Sunshinedrops]

I wasn’t sure how to post either, probably take us awhile to get use to using this forum! But I’m glad you are here too! I think reading other woman’s stories helps to define what really is going on, I’ve read online about emotional abuse but as my partner extremely subtle,These past few years I was more confused than ever! Hearing you reply was lovely! Going day to day and thinking everything will be alright, is not living – the big question is do I see myself with him in next 5 years, ( answer no) am I happy, (no) what’s right for my children, (leave)
Instead of if I do x,y,z he will be happy, walking on egg shells feeling im the bad person, and I know if I do split he will play the victim and call me all the names under the sun! He will not be flexible towards the children or how we approach owing half the home together.
But this is where we need to become strong and I’m hoping being here, will help me! Sending love your way

[Author]

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