Am I in the wrong

[Gym mama]

I stopped contact between my ex and the children because I received a message from a stranger warning me that he was planning on taking 1 of my children and that he had assaulted yet another girl and another girl was getting a (detail removed by moderator). I now have a domestic abuse support worker because years later I’m still struggling with them mental and emotional abuse and she has got me an appointment with a DA solicitor. I’m just so worried that if it did ever go to court that I wouldn’t be believed because I don’t have proof of what happened to me and that it will go against me for stopping contact. I didn’t want to stop contact but I’m scared he will take the kids or they will end up witnessing abuse (verbal or physical). They both have (detail removed by moderator) and my little girl suffers with anxiety ( which hasn’t been as bad since contact stopped). I think I’m just needing some reassurance today that I’m not this awful person. Really struggling with my confidence and emotions today

[ISOPeace]

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling today. Domestic abuse is so complex and even more so when children are involved. I can assure you that you are absolutely not an awful person. One of the most important roles as a mother is to protect your children, which is exactly what you have done. I know that with abuse, there isn’t always a straightforward right thing to do as there are lots of aspects to balance. But it sounds like you acted on information that be a big concern to any mother. The fact that your daughter’s anxiety has reduced since stopping contact is a big sign that you did what was best for your children.

I know that fear makes us question and doubt ourselves and abuse trains us to not trust our own judgement, so we don’t feel confident about our decisions. What you’ve described is a mother trusting her instincts and acting out of love for her children. That is the opposite of being an awful person.

With regard to proof about what he did, I was told that courts don’t expect you to provide concrete proof. It’s about building up a picture from small pieces of evidence e.g. messages, things children have said to teachers). Your solicitor will be able to give your better advice than me, but you will probably find your legal position is much better than you think. Sending lots of love xxxx

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