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I’m so confused, I thought it was all normal but I can’t stop thinking about it, feeling hurt and ashamed. So a few years ago I would go clubbing of a weekend I had a group of friends, a mix of male and female friends, but this is about one of the males in particular, on two occasions I ended up in bed with him, I don’t remember a thing, he said we had sex but I can’t say whether we did or didn’t, to this day I don’t know. He told everyone, would brag about it. At that stage in my life I was drinking more than I should, I can honestly say on those nights with him I do not even remember leaving the club’s let alone anything else, I would wake up naked next to him, confused. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get into that state in the first place but I was drinking to block stuff out, I was young and stupid. I don’t drink anymore, and those friends were not friend’s. He would turn on a night out, like Jekyll and Hyde, one minute he was nice, the next he would be punching a wall. I tried to pull him up once but his behaviour, the way he would degrade me I never got, the way he poisoned others against me, I’m not talking about childish arguments, this felt like something more. I’m starting to question if I even gave consent, this is not regretting a one night stand, this is me actually questioning my capability to give consent in those two stupid situations I put myself in. This was (detail removed by moderator) years ago and I can’t seem to get these two situations out of my head. I have never spoken to anyone about this situation, I feel like I’m just being stupid and that’s what people will think, that I shouldn’t have drank as much as I did. I know I probably haven’t made much sense, it’s hard to explain it all but am I being stupid?
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You are not being stupid at all.
sounds like you really need to unpick all the feelings and seek some support from your local sexual assault service to look at this.
stay strong x*x -
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No you are not stupid at all, drinking or no drinking it doesn’t matter, this sound like you were assaulted otherwise it wouldn’t bother you and uncover feelings of shame. Trauma stays in the body long after the event.
A non-abusive man wouldn’t do this – drunk or not – he still would ask permission and your consent, which you clearly haven’t given him otherwise you’d remember a good feeling instead of a bad one.
You can be as drunk as you wish you can still use your decision making process, extremely clumsily for sure and the motor-skills are out the window but even so the respect is still here.
He should have never gotten you into bed drunk in the first place and he shouldn’t have done it a second time. I know I am putting all the blame on him but it is his fault alone.
A non-abusive guy does behave very differently and is still respectful of you even when hammered and doesn’t brag about it to everyone afterwards.
It’s also possible he drugged you, because at least you would remember how you got there in the first place.You are doing absolutely the right thing to seek professional help to discuss it. Take good care.
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As a teenager I was raped by someone I knew. A family friend. I’ve never told anyone. It happened when I was very drunk with friends at a house. They left me with this man, thinking I’d be safe. I wasn’t. I barely remember a thing but I know for a fact it was not consensual.
If you cannot/have not give/n consent, it is rape.
I’m actually glad they are now advertising this on TV and social media so young people can be made aware.
I never had counselling and I know I should have. But he died years ago, was hit by a car and I’m glad. Karma.
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