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My partner tells me that I am, and I’m starting to believe it. We have a (detail removed by moderator) year old together, and I’m scared to make a mistake in walking away, but at the same time I think there must be more to life than this. I’ve been making notes for a while, it’s not physical and I think that makes it harder for me to know if I’m making it out to be worse in my head. I’ve put some of my notes below, and I’d really appreciate an outside perspective.
(detail removed by moderator) – daughter had an accident in her pants in the bathroom. Sat downstairs and heard (detail removed by moderator) bang scared her and she wet. He screamed at her for it. Told her (detail removed by moderator). Not the case. Told him to get away. Often really firm with her – only (detail removed by moderator), but expects her to act like she’s older. Often shouting and just being unkind. Few times now she has (detail removed by moderator) and not said anything, think she scared of him and don’t like it.
(detail removed by moderator) – taking daughter to nursery in morning. He went to car, parked on (detail removed by moderator), daughter followed behind and I locked the door. He got in car and put (detail removed by moderator), says he (detail removed by moderator). Started reversing and almost knocked her over, she jumped out of way and fell (detail removed by moderator). Ran over to check she was ok – he not bothered but blaming me for situation saying (detail removed by moderator). Didn’t apologise and felt that it was horrid. She was clearly shaken and upset but more bothered at having a go at me.
(detail removed by moderator), out with friend for drinks. Didn’t like the top I was wearing, said I looked like a ‘s**g’ and was trying to impress men. Had a (detail removed by moderator) top and could see some cleavage but nothing bad. Messaged me throughout night, complaining that I was out late and trying to get men’s attention. Really upset me. Stayed out later because I hated that he was trying to ruin things for me. Not often I go out with friend and it was nice to live a little.
Continued to make comments about top the following week – don’t dress like that for me, clearly trying to impress someone. Making ‘jokes’ that I have other boyfriends etc. Not funny and doesn’t seem to care that I am upset by this.
(detail removed by moderator) – in office for work. Put a little bit of make up on, not much, (detail removed by moderator). Told I was making an effort for a man. ‘people don’t just do that for no reason’ and started going on about top again. Doesn’t matter that I was feeling better in self and wanted to make effort in appearance. Feel that nothing I do is good enough.
(detail removed by moderator) – came downstairs and he was trying to get daughter to put (detail removed by moderator) on and she didn’t want to. Asked her why she was (detail removed by moderator). Didn’t seem to understand that there was anything wrong in what he had said.
Name calling – regularly in a sing song voice ‘(detail removed by moderator)’. ‘you’re a hoe’ ‘your m**s a hoe’ ‘s**t’. Swearing all the time, every other word f word, even in front of daughter. Said that I don’t like this but continues – my thoughts/feelings don’t matter.
Regularly grabs at my breasts, bum and genitals. Said that I don’t like it, complains that I’m ‘no fun’. Does this in the supermarket or when walking about. Very crude and makes me uncomfortable – doesn’t care.
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This is abusive behaviour. You are not making a mountain out of a molehill. He doesn’t need to agree with you about this for it to be the case.
Have you had any contact with Women’s Aid or similar? If not, do you think you could bring yourself to contact them for support?
This is such a toxic environment for you and your child. My heart really does go out to you.
GR x*x
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Hi @lostblonde,
You’re not exaggerating, this is definitely abusive, and it is really concerning how he is treating both you and your daughter. Your poor child has to be frightened after these situations, and she deserves to feel relaxed in her home environment. You do too! I agree with the replies above, please contact your local domestic abuse charity and take care of yourself <3
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Domestic abuse and child abuse. He shouldn’t be left alone with this child. Sounds dangerous and controlling. Contact your local womens aid. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. These men will harm your child just to upset the mother. They enjoy it. Start keeping a detailed journal and talk to your GP. Child abuse has a terrible affect on the development of the child and heir future choice of partner. It’s not too late to stop this x reach out for help. Don’t tell him what you’re doing. He will never admit it’s abuse.
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Does it matter if you are making a bigger deal of it (which you’re not by the way as everyone else has said this is 100% abuse and sounds dangerous for your daughter), the fact of the matter is you’re not happy, he’s not treating you and your daughter with respect & care, so you don’t have to justify how you’re feeling or thinking. Whether his perception is different or not, you know what you’re feeling, trust your gut x
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