Am I right to want a break?

[Hedghog]

I’ve been with my husband for many years. He has always had a temper. He is never physically abusive towards me or the children.
He suffers from depression (but so do I) and he will go through low periods, sometimes something will happen and it can just cause him to explode, hit things, punch walls, shout, threaten to kill himself. This can happen in front of our children.

It’s led to me always feeling like I’m walking on eggshells (which he now says is my state of mind and my fault, I will never be able to change that.) The children do as he says more than me because they don’t want to upset daddy. (detail removed by moderator)

I’ve been really supportive, I’ve made appointments, filled out referral forms, called drs, gone to appointments with him, my family have already been super supportive with us too, even with money when we are struggling with no judgement.

(detail removed by moderator) there was an incident with my son where my husband restrained him, I didn’t like it and have found it hard to come back from. (detail removed by moderator) I’ve told my husband that I need a break from our relationship, some time apart to work on ourselves and our happiness separately. After our talk I went for a walk.
When I’ve come back my husband has said that he doesn’t think this is about him, that I have been unhappy for months, (with my weight and mental health – which is true) and that he is getting the blame because he feels he’s been better in the (detail removed by moderator).

I’m worried because am I ruining my family.

[Bananaboat]

He’s gaslighting you by trying to say you’re the problem.

You’re unhappy, you’re walking on eggshells and so are the kids. You’ve tried to help him and he’s not bothering. All this is because of him and his actions.

You’re not ruining your family – sounds to me like you’re trying to save your family, protect your kids from a bully & build a happy home for you & the kids x

[Author]

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