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He won’t accept that our marriage is over, that I could possibly be that cruel to expect him to leave the family home & the children, I have abused him by not being loving towards him or wanting sexual relationship with him, apparently I am the one who needs to see a councillor to get help because I am insane and evil. He tries to start the conversation off all calmly but when he doesn’t hear from me what he wants, the anger shows again and he is in my face, intimidating me in front of two of our children.
I feel so trapped, under no circumstances is he going to leave. How do I uproot 4 children and then I have my 2 dogs as well
No rental is likely to take pets and I don’t see why we should all leave whilst he stays. But his behaviour is getting more threatening each time and tonight I told him to back off from me or I would call the police. He just laughed at me. This is so exhausting, he really sees himself as the victim and he says everybody he has spoken too says the same. You just can’t talk to him. -
Dear Daisydo
If you can do it call the police. Next time he intimidates you and the children, call the police.
If you leave you will also be homeless,refuge would hopefully find you spaces, but you’ll lose your dogs.
He’s being abusive and scaring you all, get him kicked out and an order against him.coming near you and the children.
Keep posting if you can,and speak to others in real life for support too. Maybe your GP,call WA and so on.
Warmest wishes
TS -
I secretly recorded his threatening behaviour and he was arrested. I know this sounds extreme but his behaviour will escalate and it’s a very dangerous time for you. Not to mention the damage to the children’s mental health witnessing this behaviour. He simply won’t care what they see. My ex was the same. Rings rights of women and contact your local women’s aid. You can try for a non molestation order and an exclusion order if you can gather evidence of his abusive behaviour. Speak to your GP and get it recorded that he is frightening you. And the children. Emphasise that you fear for your safety and that of your children. Keep a detailed journal of all incident and how they make you feel. How he ignores the welfare of the children by his behaviour, how you fear for their mental wellbeing. You are terrified, fearful, anxious, hair falling out, not sleeping etc etc. Also, be very careful because he can do,the same to you so don’t let him push you into a position where he calls the police on you. My ex tried this one. Nothing is out of bounds for these men. I thought he loved me but when we try to end the relationship, the mask they wear comes flying off. My ex would get right into my face too. That’s a crime in itself, pitting you in a state of fear and alarm. You can ring 101 and speak to a domestic abuse officer for advice and ask them to tag your home in case you need them quickly.
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Hi DD, threatening to do something and doing it are two different things. He’s laughing at you because he truly believes you are so scared of him and they are just that empty threats. My oh laughed at me a few days after punching me a while back. he literally laughed in my face and said well now you know what you’ll get if you bug me in the future. Of course now he’s shocked at what he did, but he’s never ever said he’s sorry. I don’t think he’ll do it again but the fear of it is in my me now. Mind you once I came to I flew at him like a banshee, yelling at him if he ever did that again we were finished. It never crossed my mind to call the police though, but i would in the future, and I think that’s why he won’t do it again.
They don’t think like us, like a cornered rat they will say and do anything to survive.
IWMB 💕💕 -
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Don’t be so sure, IWMB. Please call the police if he hits you again x
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Oh Daisy Do I totally feel your despair. My husband would be horrible to me , and when I told him it was abuse he would mock me and trivialise… He thought I’d never leave due to threats firstly of losing him to other women , then the house and then the dog .. but bit by bit as the abuse escalated , I realised none of these things, even my dog who I love so so so much, were worth losing my sanity over. The fear of what might happen of we leave keeps us trapped , but for you focus on what you could lose if you stay any longer…
Please call womens aid.. it starts to help you accept that what is happening is real and it’s not you who mad. They will arrange for a refuge for you and your children if you are living in fear , if you feel trapped they can help you find a way out xx
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I dont think you need to wait until there’s another inccident DD; call the police, ask to meet with an officer from the domestic abuse team and have a chat. Please. Tell this police person everything, let them help you.
The difficulty here is you’re trying desperately not to let anyone else know and deal with it yourself, when this really is not possible, we all have to acknowledge this at some point and get help.
You know he wont change, so that leaves you only one option, means you need to change how you are dealing with him to make this stop.
The biggest regret I have in life is that I didn’t report him at the time, then when I left and cut contact, he attacked the only part of me he could access, the mother in me, by the only method he had left to him, the courts, he has made it very difficult for us to move indeed – we have been stuck in temp accomodation unable to get on with life for a few years now. Get in front of him, please flower, act now, you wont regret this, you’ll only regret how long you put up with him.
You have four kids and two dogs, there is only one solution and that is to get him out – using the law.
Come on, you can do this, you know we’re all behind you and always here x*x -
I feel for you – what you have said rings so true with me. I went to call the police once when he was verbally abusing me in front of my son who was lying on his bed with his hands over his ears. But when my son found out what I was doing he begged me not to call them. I did report him to the police though -& but it seems that if he’s not hitting me then they don’t want to get involved. They wouldn’t consider a non-mol. If I did it via a solicitor then it would cost thousands. I hate feeling trapped and I don’t know what the answer is. One day I hope that these brutes will be extracted from our Haines in the same way other criminals are. Until then we just have to endure the hand that life has dealt us.
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Hi Rapunzel, keep reporting him to the police, you’ve done it once, doesn’t matter what they said then, things are changing, he’s on their radar now and they cannot ignore cries fir help from abused women the way they did before. That first phone call is the hardest, I’ve never done it, mind you in my defence it really did not enter my head to do so. But I would now. With the new coercive act from 2015, they are more knowledgeable. Ask for a domestic abuse officer. Have you spoken to women’s aid yet. Knowing you’ve contacted them would show it’s not ‘just a domestic’. Let your doctor know too, not everyone gets it still, but keep posting on here, keep learning by reading others posts, knowledge really is power.
Best e wishes IWMB 💕💕-
Thank you IWMB. I did go and speak to an officer and logged it all. Mainly because at the time I was so scared that I thought if he ends up killing me, then I want to make sure he is done for pre-meditated murder and doesn’t get off with manslaughter. But I disagree- I think this new law ticks a box but nothing else. No-one seems able to help me – not the police,not women’s aid. Unless I win the lottery and can pay a solicitor to take him to court then I am just trapped.
Hope you are ok – best wishes R x
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