Angry with myself and others.

[endoftherainbow]

I’m having a c**p time. Annoyed that even now he occupies some much of my time and thoughts. He puts over Facebook pictures of him and the latest partner with my furniture. Daft I know, but it angers me. I have PTSD, and have been having councelling, but she’s rubbish. She told me I should be over it it now, and not to dewel on the past. She’s not the first to say this to me. I’m so mad. If you said to anyone here’s a bin bag, pack up everything you need, you gave 20 min and you will never see the rest again…B****y hard! So angry at everything at the moment. Iv been through so much c**p with our kids while he swans about without a care! I have so much to be grateful about bit the anger and frustration seems to win every time

[Fudgecake]

Hello EoTR, I’m sorry that you’re having a c**p time. It is traumatic and lonely and I can understand what you’re going through. No one should say to you that you should be over it by now. That just shows ignorance on their part for what you have experienced. And unless someone has experienced this, they will never, ever understand the trauma involved and have no right to comment on the recovery time. I’d like to see how many people could cope with packing up belongings in 20 minutes then leaving and be expected to carry on with day to day living with no effect. Not easy. When I left, I too had to leave behind treasured possessions, things I had since childhood and things that belonged to my deceased parents. I’ll never see those things again and it angers me that he has his grubby mits all over them. He has no right. But it’s a price I paid to escape with my sanity. I look at it as if I lost it all in a fire. In a way I did as it was hell in that house!
He’s posted those photos to get at you. The best thing to do is not react, hard as that is but that is what he wants. Anger and frustration is normal and it’s tempting to react. But break that cycle he wants you in so badly.

[KIP.]

Hi, change your therapist. No therapist is better than a bad one. Stay off all social media until you’re stronger. I was filled with incredible anger in the early stages but this will pass. Have zero contact with him. Take back control. Use a third party if you need to have any contact at all. This will give you some kind of peace of mind but will also drive him mad so keep asserting your boundaries. You have a right to protect yourself from further mental anguish. You will get through this stronger and wiser and like me, one day, will be grateful he is gone and not your responsibility. By posting his new relationship on social media just shows how shallow he really is. It’s designed to upset you. It’s pathetic when you think about it. He hasn’t change and very soon she will be getting the same treatment that you did. There are stages of recovery we must go through and anger is a natural part of that. Your trauma recovery will take time, be very kind and patient with yourself. You’ve been through a terrible shock and trauma. Take baby steps meantime x

[itmustbemesurely]

I get it, I feel exactly the same. 100% how can they behave like they’ve done nothing wrong. How can they get away with it, there seems to be no consequence space whilst I am left reeling jumpy scared anxious and fearful . You are free now too but I guess it takes time, my friends too think i should be over it I’m sure, but I’m not and I don’t get it. I’m like you with anger it comes over me in waves, we will get better but it will take time and have to be kind to ourselves xx sending strength and love x*x

[fizzylem]

Hey EOTR, that’s rubbish, all of it hey. I was so angry for such a long time I didnt know what to do with myself and it left me feeling ill. I realised that it is an injustice that sadly I and others like me have to carry, bravo to anyone of us who manages to bring thier ex to justice, but sadly, the truth of it is, they do often get away with it, life is unfair like this huh and the law needs to evolve a lot yet. Coercive abuse is now illegal mind, so this is a step in the right direction hey.

So, what do we do? We focus on what we can do and not on what we can’t.

And belive in karma! Fb is a snap shot, a chosen pic projected into the world of how we want folk to see us, how wonderful life is, the party is happening elsewhere yeah? It’s not a true reflection. New relationships are fun yes, but you have experienced this man and know full well what life is like with him; I pity the unsuspecting woman that is with my ex now; this life is horrible. You know it won’t end well hey, how much it hurts and messes with your mind, sadly, this is her future now.

So some things you can do, look into Claire’s Law maybe, see if you can make a statement?

Its really annoying when you notice he invades your head space hey, make a plan, when he does, and you notice that, do something for you or someone you love, exercise, a bath, a treat, anything, text a friend to say how much you love them. Put him out.

Get rid of that therapist! If she’s a member of BACP, then contact them and make a complaint. One email should do it. I’m (detail removed by Moderator) years out and still in recovery – there is no time limit set on how long it should take anyone; abuse affects a person over their entire lifetime one way or another, it changes us forever, but, there will come a time when you feel it made you richer and stronger in many ways, but, even then, there will be wobbles when triggers occur, and whether you have expereinced abuse or not, life throws a curve ball now and then and we feel lost for a while until we’ve worked out what needs to happen next, that’s just how it is for everyone hey; the past abuse can sometimes effect this too, which is why we need to get to a point whre we feel as free as possible from it, so we make sound choices as much as possible.

The anger really is difficult to process, I wrote lists, letters to him to her, letters just for me, to help me formulate my thoughts and express what I’d really like to say – with no intention of ever sending, an exerise for me only.

I also forgave myself, this was the bit I could do something about. It wasnt my fault, I was duped, I put up with it for too long yes, but I can see why I did that and what happened now, and I am ok with that. Do I regret not getting out sooner, yes, but hey, I cant change the past, I did what I did and that was then, this is now.

Today I choose to only surround myself with those who make me smile, or those who get it when I need emotional support for the abuse. Please dont give up on therapy, it is such a useful tool! We can learn so much that helps when with the right therpist; it is this therapist you need to give up on, not therapy, not you.

BACP website has some useful info about how to choose your therapist, take a look, there are questions you need to ask when choosing the right one, and this makes no difference in private, nhs or charity counselling, same questions always apply. FL.x

[Twisted Sister]

Dear endoftherainbow

Dump your counsellor.

You need to be supported in working through your anger.

You are only over it, when you are, and no-one can know who long that will take of what form so ignore them. They haven’t a clue, and how can they; even we struggle to make sense of it all!

Warmest wishes
TS

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