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Every day is getting worse the constant having a dig or a go at me for something my anxiety is worse than ever ever ever ever. I literally have pains in my chest and feels like my heart is going to stop. I am so scared of being alone with him as I don’t know what is coming next. I almost feel protected when the kids are there. I wish I had the strength to end it. I am going to call this week I need help because I can’t do this alone. I know if I don’t do it his going to make me really ill
How can I make the anxiety pain go away
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Oh Cupcakes a big hug for you hon! I know exactly how you feel! I would scream silently in my head for my children to not leave the room. My heart would pound like it was going to explode out of my chest!
I used rescue remedy – i don’t care if it was placebo, it worked. After he left i would have the same crippling attacks so I went to GP and got beta blockers – such a blessing until i got stomach issues as a side-effect. The day before i had to face him in court!
So it was back to rescue remedy and deep, deeep to the bottom of your lungs, breathing. Another one i found useful was to look around the room and name 5 things u can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things u can feel, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing u can taste. I often found by the time i got to ‘feel’ my heart rate had already slowed significantly…
Hang in there hon. Keep strong, youve got this.
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Cupcakes, all I can suggest is that you stay away from him as much as possible until you can escape. I used to get anxious when my son left the house. I used to think I was anxious and worried about my son being outside but now I realise my anxiety came from being left with alone my abuser. I just didn’t understand what was going on because I was trapped in survival mode with just enough energy and headspace to get through each day. So my real fear came from being left alone with this monster and all that came with his calculating timed abuse. I remember defending him to my women’s aid worker, saying he had anger management problems. She replied, well why does he only have anger management issues when the door is closed and he’s alone with you! It’s calculated, planned abuse and we feel like our children are human shields knowing he won’t kick off with witnesses. This we believe makes him a good father! Not. Shocking.
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Hi Cupcakes, I know how you are feeling because I was exactly the same several years before I left, my anxieties were so high I’d started being physically sick. I hope & pray that you can get away as soon as I’d possible, Please don’t hang on there if you have any chance to leave, I left it too late thinking I could cope, I’d survive it somehow, his abuse worsened until daily & serious, Hang on tightly, be as strong as you can be, keep out of his way as much as you can & I pray for you & your children that your time for freedom is very close. No one should have to live in fear, or be so anxious they can barely breathe. The more anxious I became back then the more he abused,Which made me worse, it’s like an ever decreasing circle. Thoughts with you xx
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Thank you for your replies makes me feel less crazy that I am not the only one who has felt like this. The hardest part is not being able to stop the feeling or stop the pain. I don’t want to take anything I might look at some herbal remedies as I hate the pain. I can’t sleep either I’m so exhausted.
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I felt so ill years before I managed to get away from him, my anxieties were severe, he had caused a deep depression & I have no idea how I didn’t end my own life, the mental torture was horrendous, I was so bad that I could not function as a human anymore, Physically I had got so bad that I had facial numbness, was getting migrains, was hyperventilating, the worse & weaker I got the more severe his abuse got, until I was hanging on for dear life. Once away I felt guilty for leaving, kept phone contact, put myself through even more torture hearing the Jeckyl & Hyde manic yelling, avoiding to do you need anything back to scolding, belittling etc. I knew I had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown several years through him, once away I thought I’d be OK, how very wrong I was, major breakdown, I have to be honest, no one pre warned me that the aftershocks could or would happen. I could not cope with the flash backs, it was like everywhere I went he was still with me in my head, He had changed me so much, I was so scared of him that I hadn’t realised just how much he had damaged & broken me, until I was a way. Having suffered a nervous breakdown years before I met him, that’s what I thought was happening again. This time though has been so very different, This time it’s trauma recovery, I shake & cry, my whole body feels like jelly, my legs don’t feel strong enough to carry me, my body aches from head to toe. Psychological abuse over years done slowly until it was severe, I know it is said that it’s the emotional scarring that’s worse, I feel guilty I left it too late and was completely broken to a point I literally needed help to function again. Everyone said baby steps, I have gone forwards, backwards, sideways, forwards, backwards but never given UP. I would love to work, but struggle to function half a day, without collapsing in an exhausted heap. I spend hours crying still, trying to make sense of it all. Everyone’s story is entirely different, the one thing I know is how dehumanised abusers leave us. I really struggle to put into words how crippled I feel by him, an emotional wreck. Struggling to function but somehow you know you have got to xx
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