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I feel like the start of the summer holidays has just amplified everything. His demands on my time, his mood swings and tantrums, his negativity all just feel completely overwhelming, I don’t know if it’s because the children are around so obviously have their needs and it just seems worse or whether he is actually being worse. I feel like I’m constantly defending myself against things I haven’t done – why did you shut that door – I didn’t know you were there – but I could see you – but if I knew you were there I wouldn’t have shut it….on and on and on. I don’t know what to do
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He always has an excuse for his behaviour – stress, mental health issues (insecurity, feeling like everyone’s against him), but it’s like no one else’s feelings matter. The kids know now, they notice it and ask why he goes like this. I don’t know what to say but I feel they too start to behave in a way that just keeps the peace.
But I don’t know how to get out because I feel like he’ll just fall apart and it’ll be my fault and the kids will see it as that – I’ll end up back again because I feel sorry for him -
If you haven’t already then I’d read Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘why does he do that’. There’s a chapter about kids and what you’re describing here. Mine would do the same – we were made to feel guilty that it was the school holidays, especially if I planned a day out, he’d say he wanted to go with us and make me buy him and his other child tickets (never paying himself) then 9 times out of 10 not go, holidays were spoilt every single time too. Even silly things I hadn’t twigged were abuse like making us get up at his speed/time and cancelling plans if we’d taken too long. Your kids only get one childhood and you only get to enjoy that childhood once, remember that it really helped me get through xx
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I relate to all of the above. we stopped doing things as a family because he ruined them all at some point. He doesn’t want to do them but doesn’t want you to do anything without him either so you are stuck. we stopped doing things and now he says we never did things together and thats my fault. The trouble with men like this is that whilst we are trying to give our children a happy time, all they care about is themselves. They dress it up in some way as caring but they are just selfish. I know how tough it can be, stay strong. xx
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