Any advice appreciated

[Lightwunderkind20]

So everyone has been telling me I need to put in boundaries around contact!

Which I get, I know I need to do that. But it feels like everyone thinks that should be easy! And then I just feel like I’m failing!

So my ex keeps trying to go against what we have agreed in terms of child contact. He wants to come with me to take her to an after school activity.

I have tried to put my foot down and say we both don’t need to go- you take her or I’ll take her, we can do it alternatively (which is what we agreed)

And he’s literally having none of It!! Why am I doing this to him? He never thought I’d use our child against him! Etc

Honestly, I feel exhausted and don’t know how I’ll keep doing this, it feels like it’s never going to end!

[Lisa]

Hi Lightwunderkind20,

Thank you for sharing with us. Unfortunately it is common for abusive people to use child contact to try to maintain control and push boundaries, it is distressing and exhausting to deal with.

You might find it useful to explore your legal rights and options with regards to child contact. The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown and parental disputes. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480 and through their webchat service.

Bloom can also be helpful for support with wellbeing. It is a lot to deal with by yourself. You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries- Bloom.

We understand how difficult this us. Keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Lightwunderkind20]

Thank you for your reply. I’ll have a look at those things you mentioned.

It just feels endless right now!

[Author]

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