Any positive stories, with children?

[InShock]

Hi all,

I am struggling emotionally and really need to hear any positive stories about how you left an abusive relationship/marriage with a young child or children. If your abusive ex is on the birth certificate, how are you feeling now and are you able to make decisions for your child in peace? Also can you share if there’s any involvement from the abusive biological father in your child’s life, if you feel any guilt that you managed to overcame, how you are coping as a single mum? Do you feel safe and at peace ? Did you find healthy love after leaving, and does your child see the new healthy partner as a father and you feel like a happy family…. Any such positive stories…Etc…Thank you

[Lisa]

Hi InShock,

I just wanted to say that even though you’ve not had any replies that have shared these positive stories yet, it doesn’t mean that they don’t happen. Hopefully some of the other women here will be able to share with you soon, but you might find it helpful to have a look through the “Positive moments” board in the meantime.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[InShock]

Hi Lisa

Thanks

im wondering whether it’s because most of us are on this forum because we’re really going through a tough time and we’re not “out”. Some of us might never get “out” fully because of innocent children involved 🙁 scary stuff

so I’m now thinking that it’s unlikely to find someone who isn’t currently going through traumatic stuff on this forum who can share such “happy endings”!

 

[Cherries]

Hi In shock. My first husband was abusive. I had 3 children with him. I understood he was violent but until I went to therapy didn’t realise the extent of the rest of it as I was also tightly controlled and bullied in childhood. I’m blind to a lot because of that sadly.

I left him with the clothes on my back, some of the kids stuff and a bed gifted to me. I remember wedging things under doors and sleeping with a baseball bat I was so scared. When we divorced he got everything I was too scared to anger him.

But you know what he never came after me. He was a rubbish father. Still sees my eldest and HIS children. I look at him now and wonder why I was so afraid of this weak little man who spent his life full of hate. He’s insecure. Jealous. And he used his physical size to feel good.  His body to take what he wanted to feel powerful…and he still isn’t. Sadly I ended up with other abusers, but that one once I got out…took the wind right out of his sails. Never once regretted it

[InShock]

Hi Cherries thank you so for sharing. I remember that feeling of being scared in your own home. It’s like a waking nightmare. I’m sorry to hear you ended up in more abusive relationships!

It must have been really hard to not be able to get your things. I’m still trying to retrieve my things but need to talk to a lawyer about that.

Hope you don’t mind me asking more questions! By “HIS” children you mean he had more children after you? Were your children angry with how he treated you (and therefore how he treated them)? Would you say your eldest loves him and is happy to have him in his/her life? Are the younger children not in contact by choice, and do they know him as a person at all?

Do you feel healed now?

Thank you it feels good to know I’m not alone here. I’m scared what the future holds for my child and what sort of relationship my child might want with that man. I’d want to protect until my child is old enough to make that decision (eg age 16) otherwise I don’t know what he’s capable of doing to harm us while I’m caring for this little one.

[Cherries]

I’ve private messaged you inshock.  I have a feeling half the message would need to be removed otherwise x

[SingleMomSurvivor]

I’m out, have been out for several years now. At the time, I was terrified of him but leaving was the best decision ever. The kids and I live in peace. We laugh, we have fun. The house is not filled with anger. No one is yelling. No one is walking on eggshells. We are not being gaslighted. No one is cursing us out. No one is giving us the silent treatment. We have peace & stability and best thing of all there is no abuse in the home. Best decision ever. Zero regrets.

[InShock]

Hi SingleMomSurvivor, thank you for sharing! Were your Children very young when you left? Did he chase for access /does he see them? And if not, do they ask about or talk about him?
Well done for your efforts

[Author]

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