Apprehensive

[AirBlue]

Today, I go back to work after some time off and I’m incredibly apprehensive. No one in work (besides my manager) knows that I have been in an abuaive relationship and that I have subsequently left my ex. I’m incredibly apprehensive about answering any questions people may ask and what people will say.

[Serenity]

Hi Air Blue,

I think that the ladies here tend to be such honest and straightforward people, that we owe people an explanation for everything.

What’s happened to you is your own personal business. You do not need to feel any shame: the guilt and shame belongs entirely with him: never forget that.

When I did the Pattern Changing course, we were shown hot ot is up to us to keep individual people as near or as far as we feel safe. It is our choice how much we tell them about our thoughts and our lives.

When you are feeling fragile following abuse, I would say it’s doubly important to be choosy about who you divulge information about the abuse to. Not everyone is equipped to be tactful or helpful, and some cannot be trusted. It’s good to have people on board, and support at work, but choose those who you think you can trust and who will honour the information.

Hold your head high. You’ve done nothing wrong. x

[Go green light]

I hope your first day back went well. I also felt like this. But actually people were sensitive and didn’t really ask me any questions. I’m not sure how much people knew. My manager was aware but I think things do filter through. THen later when I got divorced and I changed my name a few people made comments and I said “it’s fine to congratulate me I’m happy that I’m divorced” but that was a while later down the line so was easier to talk about then. I still don’t really tell many people about the abuse apart from close friends and still do feel ashamed although I know there is no reason I should. But going back to work did help return to a sense of normality in my life.

[AirBlue]

Thank you both for your comments. I really appreciate your support.

Thankfully, my first day back went much better than I was expecting. As my colleagues had missed celebrating my birthday with me while I was off on the sick, I came back to a heavily-decorated desk, cards and presents. Only one person asked me how I was and that wasn’t probing – just a genuine concern into my wellbeing. It was nice.

Serenity, thank you so much for the comment about being careful who I talk to about the abuse. I really needed to hear that. I often find myself feeling as though I owe people an explanation or that keeping silent suggests guilt. Seeing it from your perspective has helped me to begin realising that it’s more about protecting myself.

Go green light, I’m so glad that your return to work was supportive. I hope that you’re in a much better place now.

xx

[Author]

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