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Ugh, I can’t stop crying after this last incident. I don’t think anyone has ever made me cry as often as he does. But of course, he blames me for being “too sensitive and emotional” and “choosing to get upset.”
I recognise the aspects of DARVO whenever I’m upset with him for his behaviour or something he’s said. He always denies what he’s done. Attacks me. Then he says I’m actually the one attacking him, that I’m unstable, and he needs to protect himself from me.
He gets so nasty when I’m feeling most vulnerable.
This time, he took things that he knew were deep insecurities of mine, and used them against me, to attack me as a person.
I think that has pushed me to my limit emotionally because it shows me that I can’t trust him with these things.
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Hi Ripley75657,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service currently open 10am-4pm Monday to Friday. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.
Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Forum Moderator -
I had to Google DARVO. Turns out I’m very familiar with it just didn’t know there was actually a name for it, so thank you for that.
You’re not on your own with this one. But doesn’t it make you doubt your own experience?
I have googled endlessly trying to find out if I’m in the wrong…but I think abusers probably don’t do that because they don’t seem to want to correct the behaviour.
My latest accusations have been that I want to sh*g whoever I can (considering my history of sexual assault that he is aware of this was a low blow)
He thought I was a nice person but that couldn’t be further from the truth…and others that would be a bit too specific.
Hugs to you. Hugs to us both. These things are hard to deal with and I have no idea how to make it stop whilst we have to be under the same roof. But Hugs. At least there are others who can validate what we are dealing with because they’re never going to x
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The blame and accusations are typical behaviour of the abuser, so I am learning, blaming the partner for their own behaviours, makes us question and doubt ourselves constantly. Love isn’t love bombing, criticism, and discard, it isn’t hurting someone when they are vulnerable. You deserve to be loved, real love that encourages, supports, empowers and grows together. These abusers play on our desires,, our vulnerabilities and blame us for their behaviours, I have learnt that their accusations are actually admissions.
My abuser accused me of doing things to him that I had no recollection of, which made me doubt and question myself, I was fearful that my illness had affected my brain/spread and I felt really scared. He said I was dangerous and he was frightened of me, and this would be after he abused me. I would have to apologise for things I hadn’t done and endure the consequences of my actions (his accusations).
Follow your instincts if you can, you know who you are and that its not your fault, keep strong, sending you both a big hug x
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