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When Ive wrote on here before Ive always had positive good feedback from you ladies which Ive been grateful for and thank you .When reading other posts over past few months I can relate to so many of your problems been done it and slowly surely Ive come out other end .If been quite few years since Ive been split from my Ex husband we’re now divored luckily .One biggest hurdles Ive had to come across today was being told my Ex husbands gurlfrirnd have had her baby .Weather or not it hasn’t kicked in but I feel absolutely nothing towards him like s stranger really .This man has put me through much Ive invested so much of my time trying to save our marriage even after divorce so much time dwelling on the past but now I feel nothing .My oldest child pre teen hasn’t taken news Well wish he’d had a proper Dad where youngest the news has gone over there heads .My kids don’t see there dad due to his behaviour .He only turns up when he feels like it and says nothing to them when he’s watching play sport .I feel I’m bound to cry some point keep telling myself his parenting skills won’t be any diffetent when he had our kids .( he is awful Dad ) .Xx
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Hi Bubblegum,
Sending you a hug. It’s bound to be a difficult and triggering time. Don’t think for a second that he’ll suddenly turn into a good dad, very sadly for his new partner and child he will no doubt also be abusive to them. Maybe you could light a candle for the baby, say a (non religious or relgious depending on your views) prayer for the child’s wellbeing and safety and arrange a nice activity (like a cosy film night with popcorn or something) for you and your children to celebrate your own family and your progress.
The best thing is probably to let the feelings come and to feel them and then let them pass. If you feel sad, angry, overwhelmed etc, that’s ok and very normal. I imagine that you will start to feel better soon because the baby’s birth has been looming and has finally arrived, so it’s like another hurdle you have overcome.
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Thank you sunshinerainflower .I know deep down me kids much better off but now again wave sadness due situation .Its horrible having to see your children suffer as well .Sounds awful as So want him to mess up again as he’s made me so unhappy I want same for him .I think why should someone so horrible have a rosy life .Ill do that movie idea you suggested I think the kids would love that x*x
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Totally agree with Sunshine. I am trying my best to just let the feelings come and then pass. I spoke to my sibling the other day about what I “should” be feeling and feeling guilty for being happy now I’m free. Their response was prefect
– F**k guilt. And f**k “should”. Your feelings are what they are. Dont fight them. Enjoy your movie night!Hugs x
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Sorry to go on but I think feelings of his girlfriend having baby are starting to sink in .I feel over whelmed with sadness inside it’s all I can think of about I’m crying writing this feel so annoyed at myself .I just want to go to sleep not wake up .I feel so annoyed at myself I’m no longer with sbudive man have two lovely kids good family friends yet I’m b****y in a mess thinking about my abusive Ex girlfriend and new baby playing happy families .I keep talking to myself saying he won’t change etc but feel so over whelmed with emotions I’m trying hold it together for my children .Ive spoken family friends they’ve been great but I don’t think they understand what I’m going through .So rambling on xx
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Hi Bubblegum,
I can understand how you must be feeling.
Please don’t get taken in by the fake, happy image he is trying to present to the world. New baby, shiny new life..it won’t be perfect for long. He won’t have changed. Maybe he hasn’t yet shown his true colours, or maybe he has but his new partner feels trapped already. Who knows.
I think we need to keep reminding ourselves that we know these abusers more than anyone. The image people project to the outside world can be fake. We were lucky to get out. There are times when we are triggered and the pain can seem overwhelming, and news like this is certain to trigger you. But in the long run, we escaped a life of abuse and domination. We need to believe that we are enough, that we deserve happiness and that we are more than capable of providing love and security for our children. Hugs x
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Thank you ladies for your replies it means a lot .I keep reading your replys over over again .Ive been through so many things with my Ex husband but for me emotionally with new baby this is got to be one hardest things to go through .Going to make myself go into work today just few hours st least although deep inside I just want to stay in bed sleep forget about things .Ive been thinking trying pin point why I feel so bad .I don’t envy his girlfriend as for the baby I wouldn’t want any more kids .Its the feeling of Abanaonment being casked aside mainly for my children the feeling is awful .Hes just brought the baby home making out he’s a top dad etc it makes me physically sick thinking about it .He does not even bother with the other kids he’s got I so feel for my kids .Serenity your post really hit nail on the head how I was feeling .Maybe he is happy etc time will tell but he’s one of these men that likes to put it out there he’s having great life .He does not see his kids due to his behaviour .When our kids have public activities he comes now again to watch but he never says anything then walks away .x*x
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