Back for maybe a little while co parent not easy I’m sad

[Mellow]

This forum helped me a lot when I was in an abusive relationship after (detail removed by Moderator) years and children I left ,but it’s not got easier I’m happier but my abuser still plays mind games I start by giving one word answers.
The after effect of the abuse is so difficult to manage I don’t really want to see a g.p .the hardest part is now I’ve left people expect me to be ok and will say insensitive things like it’s over now.
But it’s not over in my head .for me all the family of his knew he was cheating on me in another country he may even have a child I don’t know about I can’t prove this but found ladies evidence of him trying for a baby whilst I had a baby of my own .I’m very hurt and distraught I’m not looking for another relationship but I feel very angry and don’t trust anyone or hun trying to parent with hun he keeps using the kids and I feel sorry for them I feel like moving out of town but then he will say I’ve deprived him.he has even blocked me on something just to gain control and messes with when he will have the children sometimes he misses a week and dosent calllike he said this is all out of character when we was together he played father of the year but I feel like now he is abandoning them for those I know here I’m sorry I had to leave the forum a while I felt very consumed but on a plus note most of the time I’m happier but have down days .i can finally move my furniture about .wear my hair how I like .paint my walls .parent mostly how I want.look after myself my health and appearance my bank balance is better and even if it’s not it’s worth it but I don’t worry about hun not paying for anything I’m getting a car (was always bossed around in mine so got rid of it )

[Mellow]

I didn’t realise how bad it was till I left and I have flashbacks of hun shouting at me saying “I don’t care about you”he gave silent treatments and would say “f*****g leave me alone “ when I wanted to know why he was ignoring me I can’t get the voice out my head.then he says things like it’s ok for me to love another woman.and we will get back together when I know he need something from me at the time he wants us to get back together.though that won’t happen.the awful things he has abused I can’t get out my head and the fact o stayed when he nearly broke my finger and other physical abuse .then I tell myself I reacted to it which makes me blame myself too I’m just tired of the emotions and the mind games continuing I wanted good for my kids I’m now wondering wether to move out of town and forget he existed but then I can’t do that to my kids cause they want him they will resent me

[older lady]

Hello. I’m so sorry to read what you’re going through. It is well-meaning but naively optimistic of people to suggest that you can bounce back after abuse. It must be difficult for you if you don’t get the understanding that you need. I carry self-blame and guilt too (I’ve beaten myself up regularly), believing I should have anticipated, prevented and escaped abuse in a better way than I did… and sooner. Because I did not, I believed I was responsible for him being able to abuse me and for how that’s now affecting me. I too was tied to him through a shared child and he exploited that for years (something that made me very bitter about the law/legal system). My child is grown now and he couldn’t have exploited her to get to me, but I am free of him in any case. But, as you said, I am not free of him and the damage done to my finances, career, health and so on. I can’t repair it, because I can’t get back the time, but I still have to go on from here. I just don’t trust myself to know what to do for the best. I hope you don’t mind me sharing, just to let you know you’re not alone.

[Author]

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