Be good for so long but he’s definitely back again not sure what to do nd t

[Chocolatebunnie]

It was a special occasion, things haven’t been amazing lately I thought we had started to turn a corner

as we all know a special occasion can’t be about anyone else but a abuser

He wanted sex first thing. No cuddles. Nothing

i tried to get some affection by joking but he claimed the day was not about me, it was about everyone l. He hugs the kids and I again point this out and he kind of makes a move to be affectionate but it’s nothing really. He’s grumpy and making me uncomfortable.

 

i felt ’hurt  we had been intimidate yet he was so cold. I feel used and don’t want to trust him anymore.

i been with him so long I’m so reliant on him, it’s made me realise that getting him out of my life feels impossible yet I don’t want to be near him.

i feel sad this is the relationship I have had for so long and worry that my future will be with a uncaring, selfish man who can be amazing one minute and awful the next.

but amazing for me is probably bare minimum in reality, so much in my mind and so clear and yet still so confusing

 

 

[Cherries]

It is hard to leave. Theres a reason so many either don’t or leave and go back…because it IS hard.

Its a battle I had to face in the past and now must face again.

But after years of begging ..yes..there were good times. But we’re they that good if I was abandoning myself to make them good.

Its not just about what they do or don’t do…its also about how we feel about it all. And my happiness was relying on him giving the bare minimum or hoping he would because he promised he would more like, only to be hurt yet again when he didn’t.

For me, with both, there has been a tipping point…a point where I knew it was hopeless and I stopped believing a word they say because they taught me over years how it ends. One minute there was hope. Even a tiny bit, and the next there just wasn’t and the fear of another 10 years the same becomes more of a problem fear wise, than leaving into the unknown does. Even then its still not easy. I believe this conflict arises in me because of fear. Fear if I stay…and fear if I go. Rock and hard place.

But. I CAN be OK without him. I’ve done it. If my lifebis spent bending myself into submission to keep him happy, how much weight is lifted when I don’t need to do that? This too is unknown. But imagine having a day where you miss them (because you can’t help but miss someone who you had a life with)

But you are free to think for yourself. It no longer revolves around them. Try to imagine that too. No pressure for sex. Being able to go out without explaining yourself. All the ways he makes life difficult…imagine being without that x

[Chocolatebunnie]

thank you and I have tried to seperate many times which is why I feel I never will, I just cant.  He always worms his way back or I fall down and want him back as I miss him.

 

[Sad and alone]

Just to say you’re not alone. I am at the same point as you where you feel you just cannot carry on but don’t have the strength to make a move to change things. When you’ve been with someone a long time you are reliant on them and you have built a life. It’s hard to leave that behind.
Don’t worry about any future relationship yet – think about what you will be able to do for yourself, how you’ll be free to make your own decisions and not walking on eggshells trying to keep someone else happy.
I know it’s a kick in the teeth when things seem to have been improving. Sometimes it’s months and sometimes it only a day or two but you’re always brought back down to earth sooner or later. Just try and stay strong. You are a strong person. You have to be to put up with living this way but you can get out, whether soon or later, you can do it xx

[Chocolatebunnie]

thank you yes i relate to what you say very much

[Chocolatebunnie]

I am really struggling today realising how he has treated me has left me hurting so much.  It sometimes takes a few days for things to hit me and it has rather badly.

Memories of our (occasion removed by Moderator) are tarnished with how I feel and felt during this day.

I have since told him how I feel, he has been avoiding me physically and trying to be somewhat nice, it feels like he doesnt have a clue (or is he pretending) he has tried to speak with me but I will not speak with him I am too mixed up and I know he will whitewash it and make it out to be a misunderstanding, a overreation, or i have done something to cause this or whatever else he thinks ticks the box for an explanation.

I tried to speak to him on the day, later on once children were in bed, he had turned his back to me and said nothing, I was hurt, angry and he was very angry with me for saying anything, said I was making things up.

I guess this could fall under emotional abuse, he has been sexually abusive in the past and everything is a trigger right now.

He will either win me round or get angry and make me feel to blame.

I feel so lost and hurt, but not speaking to him is helping me keep the reality in my head (although I know intime I will again doubt myself)

Thank you for your replies

 

CB xx

[Sand-piper]

The strength that comes from within when you do leave is something you could never imagine, it takes one decision and one move and the rest follows. This is hard to believe i know, I wasn’t able to remove myself, my friend spoke up for me, and she genuinely saved my life. At that point it became about protecting my children and I cannot explain the strength that is revealed within yourself, it’s empowering, everything that follows is validating. When you feel like you can’t live without him, you can. You’ll do amazing. You’ll find yourself again and you’ll thrive, it won’t be easy, but you just do it.

[Author]

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